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3:17 p.m. - 2013-04-17
Yo, perfect people!

If I've learned anything from my 13 years of living out loud on the internet it is- 'Shut the fuck up when feeling angry and vulnerable'.

This week I have been both. Mostly at the same time.

So I shut up.

Discretion is a funny thing. It is at once both stifling and fierce in its protection.

When M*A*S*H wrapped up- the last couple episodes or one whopper of one, I disremember, Hawkeye was trying to deal with something. He talked about a raid by the North Koreans and the 4077th's effort to be quiet as they hid from enemy troops in a bus. The Americans and the local villagers hid together and while hiding on the bus a village woman stifled a squawking chicken. She'd killed the chicken to keep herself and the others safe. But what really happened was the woman smothered her child. The baby was crying and would give their location away. So she clapped her hand over its mouth. The baby smothered to death. And Hawkeye couldn't deal.

Certainly no one died because I locked up and went to ground for a week. I write a stupid little blog posted on a 'net backwater. The only consequence from this week off from the quacking of one of a million bazillion voices clamoring for notice out here in the sphere is that I was stifled.

However, I've been here since I was in my 30s and I've learned some things. I am 50 years old now. And the #1 thing I've learned is that time passes. What I am feeling today will be gone tomorrow. I grow and learn (at least a tiny bit) every single day. Perspective. Experience. Patience. Reality. What I thought I was sure of yesterday is called into question today.

This is why I mistrust the certain. Those who claim unswerving and absolute allegiance to an idea, a mindset, a value system, a belief- those people scare me. If belief is not tempered by experience and the questions that come from growth, if it doesn't make them doubt their values (at least a little) then that person is an ignoranty.

I am not perfect.

Far from it. I disappoint myself every single day. I fail to live up to my ideals about everything. Nutrition. Marriage. Parenting. Being an American. Neighborliness. Friendship. Being a wise and ethical consumer.

My moral code- a combo of the Golden Rule and the hubris borne of my youthful exuberant confidence and my own desire not to be beaten up beyond what I can stand up to, well, it withers in reality. I screw it up Every Single Day.

You want to take a shot? Jane, Alex, Amanda, Kathy, other nameless yet arrogantly hurtful trolls? Go for it.

You have a lock on THE One Right Way To Live? So certain ALL of your actions pass muster? Blameless, sinless, absolutely correct 100% of the time? Truly? Wow.

Lay it out for me. I'd like to learn to be a perfect human being with no faults, no missteps, no learning experiences necessary because I get it right absolutely all the time. To be such a perfect person would be lovely. And such a relief!

My marriage would be fabulous. I'd have multiple orgasms every day, never overcook the roast, my car would never rust, the dog would never ever need to scoot along the ground with her butthole scraping on the lawn trying to rid herself of a stuck turd. All the traffic lights in my life would be green. My coupons would never expire. I'd never need a dental filling or make a late payment. I'd have THE perfect outfit for every occasion and THE perfect response for every question! I'd never have to dip into my savings account. And every gift I received would be EXACTLY what I wanted and it would fit perfectly.

'Fess up, perfect people. Share your wisdom and mad skilz! Surely anyone so graced with such a blameless, carbon-free footprint life would willingly share. How else to make life on Earth the utopia you insist is possible if everyone was as perfect as you claim to be?

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?


When you get it right 100% of the time you call me and I am so there! ~LA

6 Wanna talk about it!

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