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11:40 a.m. - 2011-10-22
Mom Thoughts- Part 784

Is it just me or does anyone else think Mike Rowe swings some serious pipe? The guy is just sooo cocky. (Yes, pun intended.) Such an outrageous flirt. Never misses a chance to get nekkid on his shows. For Pete's sake the guy's in a TV ad for jeans and his tush is the star. Sure he's good looking and has that great seductive voice, but I think any guy that confident and cheeky has got a huge one. Which, of course, just lends to his overall appeal.

Yes, you're welcome for the mental picture. Go on and tell me truth that you didn't just think about Mike Rowe's schlong and agree with me it must be a big'un. Yup.

Last night I pushed my comfort zone a teeny bit and went out after dark. My night vision is for shit so I avoid driving at night if I can. But both feeling like and be treated like an imbecile recently poked at me, hence jaunting off in the dark with my kid.

Wolf got his nasty snack bar pizza. And a bad ass leather jacket out of the deal. I'd seen those jackets last time I was at Sam's, but didn't get one then, too chancy to be buying clothes for the teenager without prior approval. My instincts were dead on in this case, he luuurved the jacket and was thrilled to get one. I always said I'd never buy leather clothing for kids who were still growing, but this one will fit for a good long while. It's fine right now with the sleeves tucked in at the cuff a little and isn't so large that he looks like he's playing dress-up, but there's room to grow into it too. Wolf's built like his father and will be a looooong drink of water for at least a decade before he broadens out any. Unlike Alex who was always a chunk. He inherited my good wool overcoat and my leather trench after I got thin. Very 'Matrix' that trenchcoat. Not that Alex was grateful or pleased, he just grumbled about how lousy trudging across the bitterly cold and snowy Oswego campus was and that maybe the trench would keep him warm. Gee, thanks, kid. Glad I could could help lighten your miserable load a teeny bit.

How on Earth did I end up with such radically different children? Alex got off the plane from his trip to Europe bitching about German food and how cramped his seat was and Wolf would write me a thank-you note for me giving him a breath mint.

Just goes to show nature beats out nurture every time. Alex looks like exactly me (with a beard) but has his father's sorry bitter selfish heart, and Wolf is physically very much like his father yet is much more like me on the inside. Of the two I think the latter is the better deal. (Of course.) Then again Alex will always take care of himself first and never go hungry or deprive himself to serve anyone else's needs. And my poor sweet Wolf just might end up being a schmucky asshole doormat like his mom. God, I hope not. A place in the middle for him would be best. Enough chops to do for himself but not a cold piece of shit like his father.

Though yesterday it occurred to me that I shouldn't be so free with Wolf's personal doings without clearing it with him first. Like talking about his first date. Yikes! So I spoke with him about this last night and he looked at me like I was a goof. He's grown up on this blog, it never foshes him when I talk about him and his stuff. It's normal to him. It's nice that he doesn't hate and resent me for talking about him here as Alex always did.

(Man, did my elder son HATE being blog fodder! Something I didn't know until after he'd built up this huge snootful of resentment and piss-off. Gee, clue me in, why don'tcha? Though he's now officially forfeited any rights to courtesy. Do not dick over your mom, pal. She will talk about you behind your back since you can't bother to speak to her front.)

Yet Wolf is now a teenager and teens tend to be iffy about having their business broadcast by lame-o mothers. Teens get so tweaky about privacy and loud-mouth mothers that it's possible he'd post a video of his boy bits on YouTube and yet still be angry I said something about what he'd had for dinner. But we're cool. Wolf truly likes knowing he's got this new-fangled cyber family out there. Folken who root him on and think he's the bee's knees when he gets good grades and such. To Wolf it's like he has a cadre of aunts and uncles who live too far away to see very often, but still care about him no matter how far-flung they are.

Nice, eh? A blessing in my addled old age to have this child. I know I fucked up royally to have Alex turn out as he has. I missed every clue, blind to any hint about how much he loathed me and there I was bungling along thinking only how wonderful he was and how lucky I was to have this great kid who let me be a non-beating, non-drinking, non-drugging, non-sarcastic bitch and self-esteem undermining mother like my own was. And still I got it so horribly wrong! What a fool I was.

Then when I've fallen to bits, gone far, far up my own ass with suicidal misery, in the middle of my marriage falling apart and my post-divorce bravado and the whirlwind that was Mick, I get this lovely, lovely son who honestly thinks a Friday night at Sam's Club with his old mom is a pretty cool thing, even without pizza and leather jacket bribery.

Even screw-ups get good things sometimes. ~LA

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