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8:59 a.m. - 2011-08-14
The Lucky One

I have another pie in the oven. I was correct when I predicted the pie spree, wrong when I said I'd go goofy perfecting the graham cracker crust. The boughten ones are fine. Today's pie is another key lime. Mick's nowhere near maxing out on it yet. When (if) he does I'll likely start doing pecan pie. Why, yes, I am trying to make my husband the size of a small planet. It's a proportion thing- the fatter I get the bigger Mick has to be to balance things off. I love being adorable swathed in his gigantic shirts and disappearing behind him with only the top of my head sticking up above his.

I kid (mostly).

Mick's been temperate in his pie consumption and just yesterday he took a 25 mile tootle around the neighborhood on his Trek. I got up at 7:00 and there he was all suited up in the kitchen chewing his pre-ride raisins. I admired his athleticism, then went pee and straight back to bed. I make no claims to being anything but a slug. One athlete in the family is plenty.

Wolf is home safe and sound. None the worse for wear and pleased to be here where it's quiet. He found out the hard way just how much 'fun' a 1 year old out of his regular routine can be. "Mom! That kid never shut up! How can a baby cry for five days straight?" I had to laugh. I explained about babies and how very few of them are spontaneous adventurers, that most prefer their routines and don't enjoy being handed off to strangers. Even if the 'strangers' are family and friends. I also gave him a retro compliment and told him what a good baby he'd been. Wolf was 14 months old when we took our jaunt across the country in the little green bus and he had a swell time. It had been 13 year old Alex who'd been the pain in the patoot. Wolf had done the 7,500 mile trip like a champ.

As I knew he would, Wolf accepted the compliment with a shrug and a blush. He hates hearing about when he was younger. Not just the normal "OMG, not the naked baby pictures again!" Wolf loathes being reminded of his younger years. Especially how difficult he used to be. I don't dun him with it, but I can hardly pretend he'd never been little. Or that he's not autistic. He is and it's been rough, but so what? Everybody has something they have to cope with. Asperger's is his burden. And mine. If Wolf being on the spectrum has been a challenge for both of us, well, it's also been an opportunity. I told my boy I've had to dig deep and find out just how tough I am. How I've had to stretch my love and patience so much further than I ever knew I could and am stronger for it. Anyone can parent the easy child. Easy kids can be raised by indifferent slacker moms and turn out fine. Wolf hasn't been easy, understatement of the millennium, but what the hell else would I have done with my life that could have mattered more? He's my son and I love him. What else is there?

I also broke the gag order and acknowledged the Deal. The agreement between Mick and Wolf about me. The two of them have decided my life is to be as easy and as pain-free as they can possibly manage. Sometimes they go too far in 'protecting' me from real life and I have to give them a good one upside the head for being dopey. But that I do understand their good intentions and the love driving their decisions and can't be anything but grateful and love them both back in return.

The convo ended there but I could have said something about how Mick has kept me on the go while Alex was visiting his father over the weekend. If I wasn't home then I didn't have to sit here like a fool waiting for the knock on my door that wouldn't come. To the movies on Friday night! Midnight lovin's! Shhh, Baby, sleep in on Saturday morning. Then…out, out, out! Let's go see MIL. Let's go swimming. Let's go to the diner. Anything but being here for the heaping helping of pain and humiliation my elder son wanted to shove down my throat. And Wolf was Mick's willing conspirator. Extra hugs. Extra kisses. I swear if he thought it would help Wolf would have sat in my lap and let me sing the 'Go To Sleep' song. Something that's been absolutely verboten since he was 11.

I had to wait a long time, a long, long lonely time before I knew what it was like to matter to someone. Anyone. An unfair length of time really. We humans are built to want to be part of something good. I have it now though. I have it in spades.

I am so lucky. ~LA

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