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My Profile
Gift from Hil Part 2 - 2014-12-30
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12:11 p.m. - 2011-04-12
Oy. The gym was torture this morning. Like working out in a shvitz-bawd. (That's a steam bath for the non-Yiddish speakers.) So humid. A zillion degrees. I swear, it was cloudy in there. Even MIL the little trooper she is was complaining. Took 1 minute 30 seconds off my time for the mile, but that was more just to get it over with than any great burst of ambition or improved fitness. I wanted to get gone already. I'm pleased I've only missed one work-out since we went back. Even that time I did go to the gym but was too upset about the fuckery by the ex to deal, so after barfing up the whole sorry mess and crying all over her while we sat in the gym's parking lot MIL hied us off to the diner for a late breakfast and more of her wonderful calming and comforting. It's so amazing to have a mother. Never had one before. At least in the sense of what everybody hopes a mom will be- loving, supportive, has your back. I'm dead grateful to have acquired such a one, even at this late date, but now that I know what it's like I do wonder why people who've had this kind of love and care their whole lives haven't taken over the world. Just having someone who loves me this much, who truly cares and is there with open arms, a ready smile and is willing to do whatever she can to see us be successful and happy, wow, it makes me feel like I can do anything. What a shame it is that so many of us have to muddle along and make good as best we can despite our mothers. Spending so much of our lives and energy just clawing our way out of the hole dug by monster mothers during our growing up years. Mean mothers, nay-sayers, critics, ignorers, drunks, whatever. I can't answer as to what good fathers do for one's self-esteem, didn't really know any in person. (Yes, pixel pal dads, I know you're out there and doing a terrific job.) Mick is an excellent step-father, sure enough. A damn hard job that is too. Especially since he never had any kids of his own and had to jump into the whole fathering gig with zero experience of any kind. And harder still is that Wolf's actual father is still around stinking up the place. Mick is kind to Wolf and has worked to make sure he (Wolf) knows that he (Mick) is here to help and teach and do whatever he can. But mostly Mick sees his job as a dad is to make sure that I'm happy. Teaching by example and deed how a good man treats his wife. Mick believes most of the trouble with Alex is that he grew up with Mike's example. The contempt, the criticism, the total ingratitude for what I did and the hateful mocking of who I was. What else was Alex to come away with but the idea that I was worthless? An anchor, a burden, even a bad joke? If his father never treated me with any kindness or respect, why would he? Mick is determined to change that dynamic with Wolf. Nothing will bring his wrath down faster or harder than if he sees Wolf upsetting or disrespecting me. Sometimes he errs too far in that direction and I have to step in and settle things. But mostly like the wonder of finally having a mother, having this man insist that I be treated decently is a miracle. Mick will not stand for anyone giving me grief. Not even my own kid. Suggestions? Ideas? Share what you're having and let me copy?
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