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6:52 p.m. - 2011-01-24
Land of the Not Quite Free, but a Damn Good Deal Nonetheless.

Did our taxes today. Getting a fab refund, and while I know it's just our own money being returned to us it certainly feels like a windfall, extreeeeeeme pennies from heaven. And when I totted up how much the feds and the state are actually keeping I was overwhelmed at what a bargain it is to be an American. For a bit more than it costs to sponsor a kid in some foreign muddy place who'll send me thank-you notes every month, yet less than a daily Starbucks run would cost me I get a massive amount of stuff. National Parks, the military, bridges, roads, dams, scads of alphabet soup- FEC, HUD, FDA, FCC, DEA, etc, etc. I get schools and Pell Grants and river management and libraries and airports and courts and police and museums and the Bureau of Indian Affairs.

You digging what I'm saying here? The Queen of the Thrifty, the Clearance Rack Contessa, the Baroness of Bargains is telling you right here and now that being an American taxpayer is one hella good deal.

Do any of those quacking crybabies from the fringe, those anti-tax weasels and the tea bagging fools, do ANY of them ever stop and actually compute what they truly pay into the pot versus what they get back in services and infrastructure?

I don't think so. They couldn't possibly. For if they did and looked at the skerce amount of their money the government keeps and what they get back and yet still have the gall to bitch and whine then they are even dumber than I already know them to be.

Does some of my tax money go to pay for things I'm not thrilled about? Sure. But so what? The running of this country is a communal effort. It's like a potluck supper down at the firehouse, not everything on the table will be something I'll put on my plate, but there's plenty enough that I do like and I'll leave full just the same. So what that 'technically' I've paid for those scalloped potatoes? Someone else will have the joy of them while I have a bigger helping of macaroni salad, that's all. Should I stand at the firehouse door screaming and frothing until the offensive scalloped potatoes are removed and then and only then will my special snowflake self deign to fork over my $5.00 and come inside to eat?

That's what these anti-tax jerks are like. Unpatriotic and silly in the face of all reason if you ask me.

Are there cheats and gougers? Of course. Surely. But this is no surprise to anyone who's gotten past the fourth grade or so. After you've experienced the special cruddiness of Billy Markham cheating off your answer sheet during the spelling test you studied for and you know damn well that Billy spent the previous night playing Halo and didn't even bring his spelling book home. And then when you complain to the teacher and she just sighs and pats you wearily on the shoulder and you get a clue that guys like Billy are everywhere, well then you grow up a little and deal.

Who the hell told you Life was always fair?

It's not. Never has been, never will be. Deal with it.

In the meantime, cough up the small bit of dough the government wants and know in your heart that you're getting a whopper of a bargain.

Saluting the flag, my tax guy- Herb, and yeah, even the IRS, ~LA

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