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11:15 a.m. - 2011-01-08
Still Cracked but No Longer Dry

The batteries in my mouse are dying. And of course there's no replacements in the battery cabinet. We're going out in a couple hours to do a shopping and see the folks so I'll get some batteries while we're out. I'm not too worried about being mouse-less or having to cannibalize some other gizmo for its AAs, I'm just astonished at how quickly this set of batteries wore down. Tells me I've been stressing more than I thought. When I get flippy I play Match 3 games. Bejeweled, sure, but I own a few more from Big Fish. My current fave is Unwell Mel. Playing Match 3 games is soothing. Electronic zen. Lovely for the soul, hard and harder on mouse batteries.

I just realized not one sentence in the above paragraph (except the one about going out) would make a damn lick of sense to someone reading it 25 years ago. WTF? Battery operated mice? Why would anyone need an electric rodent? To amuse a wind-up cat?

Though if read 50 years ago and it was known to be from the future the reader would nod sagely and go with it. Because the future was supposed to be all space agey and robot-y and of course we'd have electronic vermin. In their view they'd wonder what the deal was with the batteries though, wouldn't everything be run on that nifty atomic energy? You know, that miracle of the modern age that was going to make everything all wonderful and then there'd be no more poor people or strife and we'd all live in bubble houses on stilts and fly around in our cars and have food in pill form!

Imagine a society na´ve enough to think an invention would cure people from being their nasty, greedy, selfish barbaric selves. No thing can fix people. There's not a wonder that can be devised that people won't figure out how to use it to hurt and shame others. I guarantee not 10 minutes after the very first internet forum went up there was a troll on it. We will ever and always be shit flinging monkeys with nukes.

Sadly I used to be one of the na´ve ones. Not that I thought inventions and discoveries would solve things, nope, I was dopier than that. I actually believed people would want to evolve. To keep on bettering ourselves. Bwahahahaha! Pathetic, really, how long it took me to lose the shine on that particular bit of tomfoolery. Must be tied in with my idiotic love of princess movies.

What? I'm entitled. Look at how many people think there's some bearded dude up in the sky hanging out with dead people in nightgowns playing harps who's like some ultimate playground monitor keeping an eye on everything and making sure everybody gets a turn on the slide and handing out detention slips to the troublemakers. If I want to believe that the answer to all life's problems is a glass slipper and a tiara I'm allowed. Makes as much sense as that celestial Santa Claus in a nightshirt everybody else thinks is so swell.

Not that you could tell from the tenor of this entry so far, but I'm actually feeling pretty good today. Yesterday's snow day was very mellow. There was much farting around and being silly and there was an extra spectacular late night romp with my guy. Plus I've found the solution to my horrible winter dry skin problem- baby lotion. That super thick pink stuff that smells so good. Baby lotion actually keeps my carcass feeling hydrated for a good long while. I've tried just about every lotion and potion out there and baby lotion is IT. Can't tell you what a relief it is to be able to bend my arms and not have my elbows crack open. To not be abrading my sere flaky hide with anything that might stop the itch for a minute. When you find yourself scouring your shins with an emery board you know you've got some moisture issues.

Until I stumbled onto the baby lotion I pretty much felt like THIS guy all the time. Even worse if I lost my mind and took a hot (instead of barely tepid) shower. So thank you, thank you CVS-brand baby lotion. Your miraculous moisturizing formula lets this desiccated ancient mummy feel downright dewy.

Time for me and my silky smooth skin to put it in gear and get ready to go out.

Happy Saturday, y'all. ~LA

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