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My Profile
Gift from Hil Part 2 - 2014-12-30
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1:28 p.m. - 2010-05-10
Hiya. What to do? I could list all the mundane activities of the last few days, making much of the goodish stuff and giving the neg stuff a snarky funny spin. So, okay. I could brag about my new purple iPod and then make you roll your eyes at my techno-buffoonery as I attempt to learn the esoteric rites of iTunes and curse my elder son for leaving all this weird shit in my computer files and how my new pod is all crammed up with his crap now. And how I can't get it back out. I could bitch about my younger son and his exhausting puberty. I will say this, a daughter wouldn't be any more tiring or harder on the patience than this emotional vampire son o' mine. And I really have to marvel at the Jews who still like their 13 year olds enough to throw them big parties, should I have converted to Judaism (as I seriously considered doing as a young adult) Wolf's bar mitzvah next month would be him doing his Torah reading in an empty temple and me grudgingly taking him to McDonald's afterward. He's pressing hard on my last nerve. I could report that Princess's broken toenail is better and she's no longer competing with Wolf for an Oscar for Best 'Woe Is Me' performance. Though Wolf never took a dump in the dining room, and Princess did several during her 'agonizing injury'. I could say I finally got a tree guy over here and he quoted an astonishingly low price to take out the arborvitae and trim up the rest of the broken trees. Mick demanded to know if I glamoured the guy or something. I had not. It's unethical. And my days of men going stupid and walking into walls and doing other goofy shit because they're seeing me with their one-eyed trouser snake instead of the two eyes on their noggins are way over. Steve's just a good guy, that's all. I could admit that yesterday after my shower I grabbed the wrong bottle from under the sink and rubbed body wash into my legs instead of the intended lotion. And I didn't figure it out for quite some time, only groggily wondering why the stuff would NOT absorb properly. And why the hell was the 'lotion' so goddamn sticky anyhow? I could say I took it easy on myself yesterday and made the laziest company dinner ever. Canned corn, instant mashed potatoes, tinned crescent rolls, saut�ed mushrooms (that were already packaged clean and pre-sliced), and a pork tenderloin which required the strenuous cooking method of shoving it into the oven and then taking it back out again sometime later. Oh, and a store-bought cake for dessert. Hey, it was Mother's Day. The fambly (including the in-laws) were lucky I fricken cooked at all. I could give myself snaps for shaving another 30 seconds off my best time for the mile. I could also make much that I can say, 'My best time for the mile' with a straight face. Stop the presses! New lede- 'The Amazing Sloth Woman Finally Got Off Her Ass!!'. I could bore you with a tiresome list of the dopey amount of appointments and errands on the docket this week and whine about how this includes yet another trip to the consarn DMV. I could make any number of ridiculous claims and offer proofs as to my weary, humor-deficient, zero-to-wailing banshee in a nano-second state of being these days. I could apologize for reading but so rarely commenting on your blogs and FB posts lately. Or I could just shut the hell up and go make some tea.
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