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11:03 a.m. - 2009-06-19
Wolf- Lost then Found

I'm outta here in a few to do some of my favorite errands. What? You don't have favorite errands? So like taking the cat to the vet is on par with shopping for yummy comestibles at the farmer's market? Wow, that's strange, but whatever.

In fact hitting the farmer's market is on my list for today and it even stopped raining for the nonce so the shopping will be that much nicer. Don't expect the clear skies to last, I've given up hope about a whole day without rain and mostly go around with Forrest Gump in my headů"Every kind of rain. Big fat rain. Sideways rain. Itty bitty stinging rain. Even rain that seemed to come straight up!" Somehow the northeast has turned into Viet Nam- minus the snipers. With this insane rain my poor veggie patch will drown soon or I'll end up with pumpkins and watermelons the size of Volkswagens. At this point it could go either way.

Yesterday was Awards Day at Wolf's school. His teacher had been hocking me to make sure the boy had as large a cheering section as possible. Mick arranged to have a personal day as a surprise to Wolf and despite my loathing for having to spoon feed the ex his responsibilities as a father, I cornered him in the yard, wrapped his ponytail around his neck, pulled it tight around his scrawny throat and shook a fist in his face while telling him that he WOULD get to Awards Day, were we clear on that? (Trust me, anything less extreme would guarantee that Mike would be a no-show. Butthead.) Wolf's rooting section was full and a lovely time was had by all as we watched our boy cavort on stage. Hilarious in the play. On note with the songs. We cheered loudly when he was one of the nominees for the Science Medal. Then came the big deal award- The Principal's Medal of Excellence. This award is basically the valedictory. The kid who gets it is not only an academic superstar, he's done an outstanding job as a school citizen, has made a phenomenal effort to give over disruptive behaviors, and generally is the kid who excelled in every area of school life.

And Wolf won!

Could have knocked me over. Not that I don't think he hasn't outdone himself this year, he has. The boy from three years ago who was careening down the Highway to Hell has made a stupendous effort to get himself straightened out and has succeeded spectacularly. Sure it's cool that his efforts put him at the head of the pack and he was named student of the year and won a medal, but it's what those things mean that is the wonderful part to me. My heedless, self-destructive, wild child of a son has decided he IS worth doing right for himself. Yeah, yeah, I've been here loving, teaching, guiding, helping, etc, etc, but without Wolf's belief in himself all that mom yadda goes nowhere. This I know from long bitter experience. Wolf does nothing he doesn't want to do. And finally, finally he has chosen a good and healthy path. To believe in himself and to work toward making a nice life. To be happy.

I speak so often about my own path to wellness. And of Mick's. But Wolf has been chugging along with us. We three have all decided to get out of the muck, the shitty self-esteem, the pain. Maybe it took having the three of us coming together. Maybe Wolf finally having a mom who wasn't a chewed up beaten wreck and having a stepfather who is there for him as his own father isn't, and even a survivor dog who's gone from a cowering, flinching wee beastie into being a happy jump-n-play dog, maybe all those things have helped Wolf realize he's allowed to be okay too.

I do know it takes an enormous amount of courage to change your life for the better. Seems like it should be a no-brainer, but the decision to live well and be happy takes a lot of guts. And in doing what he has Wolf has shown serious guts. To give over his role of failure and fuck-up and chose to work toward positive goals, to be okay with the idea of being a success, that is some scary, scary stuff and he has done it right big time.

Wolf won a lot more than a medal and plaque yesterday, you know?

Life is extraordinarily good. ~LA

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