Tell me all about it, dear...

beanie - 2012-05-07 18:53:06
Are there any nearby college programs Wolf could join this summer?
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Thea - 2012-05-07 19:13:34
Or ymca type camps? Still a total summer off, but with stuff to do and field trips and all, and you don't have to facilitate it. Something that starts after he's had a chunk of lying-around time to enjoy and get tired of. Mick could use something similar, it sounds like, but for different reasons. Maybe helping out with a scout troup? Something where he gets to pass on knowledge without it being a 'job'.
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Anna - 2012-05-07 19:15:58
It sounds to me like Wolf has worked really hard to earn a report like that and has maybe earned a summer where at least some of the time he can do what he likes. But it is a long time, so maybe a deal could be worked out where he gets x amount of unhassled lazing about, but also has to be constructive/creative/physical/whatever for y amount of time. This summer of dread must be averted!! Love and hugs xxx
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Amy - 2012-05-07 19:25:36
Well, it seems to me that since you can already foresee these issues, that you're already a step ahead of the game. Perhaps just sitting down with your guys and laying it out there (like you have here) and brainstorming for strategies would be helpful. I don't think any technique is too cheezy when it comes to emotional health. Even if that means you say, "When I raise my hand, like this, that means I'm overwhelmed with your crap and it's time to back off." Speaking as a restless perfectionist, I've found that managing expectations is the only thing that makes living with me bearable. That's on both ends - I strive to have reasonable expectations, but he strives to stick to a previously agreed-upon expectation (it gets done by this day, with a specified level of quality). I hope that's helpful. Since you'll be saving your pennies this summer, I'm assuming there will be no vacations or sending anyone away to camp.
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terri T - 2012-05-07 21:53:40
Amy's idea of having a "sit down" with your guys and talking about the expectations and responsibilities along with the personal space and time seems reasonable. Maybe you can have "meetings" every 2 weeks or so just to make sure everyone is being accountable yet allowing for individual fun times. You deserve your space too or date nights or free time to be yourself. Reminds me that my son who is 44 yrs old was just here to select some of our Christmas ornaments before our garage sale and brought up the many times his father criticized him for gift choices that son gave me. I was shocked! First, that husband would be critical about things that ultimately I loved and second that my 44 yr son is still upset about being criticized. Words from a parental figure really do stay in our hearts..
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gbw - 2012-05-08 14:20:55
Bravo on the school meeting! Nice job. The summer sounds like it may need a bit of micromanaging which isn't a summer. The telling them like it is sounds like a great idea but I know from my personal experience that most folks have very short memories for such things so planning some things that will seperate or distract all parties could help (assuming summer gets here- lol)
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Joan - 2012-05-08 14:47:09
LA, are you sure you're not married to my husband?? Like Mick, my husband can't relax at all. His father was a marine drill sargent. He has ruined many a family weekend by insisting everyone be "moving". As you know, you can't change those types of men. You just have to "manage" them. Congrats to Wolf! He has every reason to be proud of himself!
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dichroic - 2012-05-08 15:36:54
I know part of the answer! Because my husband is the same way about keeping busy. What Mick needs is a project. It should be something that looks horribly arduous to you but that he will enjoy, and ideally it should be out of the house or in an area you don't spend time in. Putting in a new bathroom. Refurbishing a Model T. Riding every mountain bike trial in a 50 mile radius (assuming he hasn't already). Taking over all the cooking and working his way through Mark Bittman (this assumes you can keep mostly hands off and only offer occasional advice). It would be good for Wolf to have a project too (might keep Mick off his back) but it has to be one he'd enjoy. Would he like something like writing and drawing a comic book or dreaming up the bones of a new computer game?
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