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Tell me all about it, dear...
Hil - 2012-02-15 18:18:19
I am interested in any advice you get because I am looking over that precipice with Nevie, too. I would say teach Wolf all that you can. Being ignorant could be dangerous, right? Especially if he is less likely to pick up on the cues.
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Joan - 2012-02-15 18:24:00
I taught all my kids to be wary of everyone. There are too many nut cases in the world. So maybe they grew up with a jaded outlook on life but all three of them can take care of themselves in a pickle and they all have a pretty good nose for bullshit and can recognise the truly good people. Keep him safe from the cougars. It's not a nice place outside our front door.
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Amy - 2012-02-15 18:28:38
Honestly, while it's very, very important to know how to *graciously* say no, I think it's way more important to be able to make a rejection loud and clear to someone who won't accept it. Some people have a totally alternative view of reality, where, "No, thank you," means, "try harder." Because Wolf is at a social disadvantage, and he knows he's at a social disadvantage, I can see a predator getting him to second guess himself and his choices. No matter who you are, I think this kind of stuff is really, really difficult to address for everyone, not just teenagers. That's why most work places require some sort of sexual harrassment training. I know that a lot of people think that it's silly and overly PC, but these problems do arise often. It can often be feel be so embarrassing and awkward for the one being pursued that he/she can't protect him/herself in the best way possible. I don't know if any of that is helpful, at all. I'm sorry to ramble on for so long, this is a topic that pushes a few of my buttons. It's something that I've struggled with on many occasions.
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Poolie - 2012-02-15 18:36:30
Take him in the store. This is bound to happen again and again because he's so very handsome. I would instruct him (once he knows the person's intentions for real) to simply say, "I am jailbait. So let's not go there." Or....."If I am reading your signals correctly, you are suggesting something I really do not want to do. And I will not do. So let's drop it, shall we? Cuz if you don't, I will handle it my way." I know that all sounds good. Making it work is another matter.
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alison - 2012-02-15 18:59:46
As the Mom of pretty handsome boy I am dreading this situation myself. I have a pic of A in my folder at work and little girls gush over him (older little girls). I understand (from personal experience) that folks don't always take "drop dead creep" as an answer and I'm not nearly as pretty as my boy. I would think in this case a little disgust goes a long way. A genuine "Mom, is she flirting with me?" delivered with the right level of surprise and disgust, allows you to respond with an "Of course not, I am sure she knows you are way too young for that." Calling people out while giving them the opportunity for deniability often solves the problem swiftly. It says "I know what you are doing and you can stop now" quite firmly. He is old enough to start learning the tricks of the trade, before he is preyed upon by an unscrupulous teacher or family "friend". He will be able to see the difference in her behavior once she has been called out too. Also you should have an open door policy with the kid. "If you ever feel uncomfortable I will always listen and take you seriously." Sounds like you already have that but it never hurts to reinforce that. Like I love you, they can never hear that enough.
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Terri T. - 2012-02-15 19:02:10
I think most of the comments are right in line with my own. Talk to him. You've been upfront and told him frankly about life already. This is another learning experience. He could be put into a bad situation if he didn't realize what the intentions could be. You got the vibes already and I know he will believe you when you tell him what could be behind the
smiles....
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Deb - 2012-02-15 19:30:12
I love what Alison said. But I will say that my first thought was to ignore her because she's being inappropriate but not saying something inappropriate. I hate to even give her the attention of pointing out she's creepy. Although if she says it every time I might be inclined to point out that she does and that it's getting creepy.
Now if she changes to something that is overtly inappropriate (saying something overtly suggestive or salacious) then he should know to say flat out that it is inappropriate because he's a teen and she's a grown up. Lastly if (God forbid) someone lays hands on him I think teaching the scorched earth reponse of screaming "get you hands off me you pervert" as loud as possible is never astray.
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beanie - 2012-02-15 19:41:31
You are a good teacher for Wolf, take this as a subject.. he does need to learn how to defend himself and what to say when confronting *icky* adults. And she sounds really *icky* to me!
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stepfordtart - 2012-02-15 20:04:42
There's also the possibility that she thinks he's older than he is - Ive been out with Jooj (in the past) when she's been hit on and we try to fit in a "Yeh, the boys'll be queuing up to take me out once Ive FINISHED SENIOR SCHOOL!" type comment. He could try something along the lines of "Im handsome? Try telling the girls in my 8th grade classes that!" . She might be a creepy paedo, tho. Then you can punch her. ; ) s x
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Rosie - 2012-02-15 21:41:38
While reading this, and the responses, all I could think of was the HBO series Six Feet Under, in which, as it turns out, the main character had a brief fling when he was about 15 with a 30 something.
Which is all neither here nor there, but the main thing is making sure that Wolf is aware of heavy-duty flirting, and is able to get free of it. Alison, Stepfie's and Poolies's suggestions, all good choices. The disbelief option, age update and the jailbait option are all excellent ideas.
Just make sure that Wolf is cognizant of this being HIS option, and HIS choice of timing. Sadly, all we can do is prepare them, and what they choose to do from there when they are of age is their own choice. Good luck!
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Holly - 2012-02-16 01:29:04
As far as I know, Warren hasn't ran into any Mrs. Roninsons yet, but he does look older than he is. This is definatly a teachable moment. This may come up again and he needs the skills to read people and cope with it. I wish I did when I was 12 with an 18 year old looking body.
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Jim - 2012-02-16 16:06:03
I've been thinking about this since I read it yesterday and -- despite have raised two sons and one daughter -- find I have no great bit of wisdom to pass on to you. I generally agree with the other comments. I do want to note that in general society seems to see this situation as being one of great concern for parents of teen girls but not for parents of teen boys... and I want to salute you for what I think is very appropriate concern for your son. Two years from now, not so much of a problem, but at his current age, yes, a definite cause for concern. Good luck.
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