Tell me all about it, dear...

Karen - 2008-01-09 09:30:44
What if Alex said those things to him? Would he listen coming from his brother? If I'm correct, Alex feels the same way.
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Pam L - 2008-01-09 09:51:18
Big brothers are a great allies but Wolf is so young I think it would still be hard. Boys look up to their Dads at that age because Dads are supposed to be the good guys, the guys you can count on to always take care of them and do the right thing for them, no matter what. I wish my younger one had more time with his big brother, and his Dad is a great Dad, a little strict perhaps, but in a good way, looking out for him and his future. The best you can do is continue to be the rock for Wolf, be there being the wonderful loving parent who builds him up, not tears him down.
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Poolie - 2008-01-09 10:02:04
You are absolutely right about kids. I was a youth director for a long time, and even when parents made their lives total shit, the kids went back for more. They always seek the love and attention of a parent no matter how awful that parent might be. I feel for you. I wish there was an easy fix. Blessings, my friend. I am thinking of you.
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michele - 2008-01-09 15:01:51
this is a hard problem, i know. perhaps having wolf write down in a journal (or draw) how he feels before he visits the ex, and then write how he feels after the visit. maybe he will be able to come to his own conclusions, or at least be able to get it out constructively.
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Terri - 2008-01-09 15:03:54
Yes I know a bit about what you are saying. My youngest sister's ex is much like that. He is an educated guy with a decent job but he was raised by a she-bitch who instilled in him a gift for sarcasm and negativity. Therefore, he is now in counseling with his daughter because she couldn't take it. She only wants a daddy to love her but gets this cold, mean, man who hurts her emotionally. Now that she and her brother are older and 5 years post the divorce; they are beginning to see him for what he is and they don't like it... But they still want the daddy they dream of
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Terri - 2008-01-09 15:03:56
Yes I know a bit about what you are saying. My youngest sister's ex is much like that. He is an educated guy with a decent job but he was raised by a she-bitch who instilled in him a gift for sarcasm and negativity. Therefore, he is now in counseling with his daughter because she couldn't take it. She only wants a daddy to love her but gets this cold, mean, man who hurts her emotionally. Now that she and her brother are older and 5 years post the divorce; they are beginning to see him for what he is and they don't like it... But they still want the daddy they dream of
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Jenn - 2008-01-09 15:11:59
Maybe talk to Alex and see what he thinks about talking to Wolf? Or perhaps since Mike is such a bad man, ask for supervised visits to try and offset the emotional damage Mike does? I dunno, honey. But I'm here for you. Thinking good thoughts your way. To all of you. Big hug. Love, -me
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anabels - 2008-01-09 18:41:35
Perhaps you could try and "toxic people proof" Wolf in general without specifically menaing he needs to use these skills in handling his Dad? That some people like to make you feel bad and bring you down and how not to let them. He is not silly and with a little gentle guidance may be able to see that this applies to Dad without you specifically having to pain the ex as a villian? Good luck whatever you decide, i know you will do the very best that is possible! Hugs Bels
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dichroic - 2008-01-09 20:58:41
Do you read to Wolf? I don't know if he'd be ready for it yet (I'm fiarly sure it would be too much for him to read on his own) but if you think at least some of it would get through I'd prescribe A Swiftly Tilting Planet; it's very much about contrasting characters who are full of joy and ones who suck it out. It might prompt useful discussion, but I think it would help on its own too. And if you think that one isn't right for him, Roald Dahl's Matilda is easier (I know, because I got through it in Dutch!) and has some very clear contrasts between people who put you down and those who let you be yourself.
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