Tell me all about it, dear...

Ally - 2005-06-05 20:18:39
I COMPLETELY understand what you're talking about. I've had that VERY thought and quesiton in my mind this week. Where the hell is the happy? When did I become an angry, sad, depressed, unhappy person? When did it become as difficult to smile as it is to do 100 situps? I can't even remember when I last genuinely laughed and smiled and felt light inside. I'm sorry life is sucking for you. Just know, you're not alone. And hey, if you find out how and where to look for the old happy, let me know. : ) Hang in there! I'm just glad you're writing something. I honestly read you EVERY day and look forward to what you have to say.
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colz - 2005-06-05 21:04:01
I hear ya. I spend a lot of time feeling guilty because I am hard on people. HARD. Cynical. Full of high expectations that are never met. Dunno how to fix it, but I identify with you, for sure.
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Cat - 2005-06-05 21:15:00
I have no words of wisdom. I know I feel like an idiot when I'm happy for no apparent reason. I know it will fade when real life wanders in again, but I hope you feel it anyway.
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dichroic - 2005-06-05 21:52:52
No reason is the BEST reason to feel happy. The way the sky refelct on the water just before sunrise. Meeting someone who cares about one of the things you do. Dancing with a two-year old. Petting a cat and hearing it purr. Hope you find your happy somewhere. Else, wherefore born?
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Pandi - 2005-06-05 21:53:40
There's a radical contingent among psychologists who believe that happiness in an adult is really a form of maladjustment, given all the stressors in the world. In other words, they agree with you: Happy people are just clueless idiots.
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Doug - 2005-06-05 22:05:59
Being a happy cynic isn't all that hard... but you gotta work at it. You really, *really* gotta *want* to be happy in spite of the world. And that's why you do it... to spite the world. Don't worry - be happy! (Only you will know that you're faking it most of the time... and everyone will be pissed that you're happy and they're not!)
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cat - 2005-06-05 22:50:37
Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to llive, --Mark Twain
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Denver doug - 2005-06-06 02:26:21
Historically hysterical in three easy lessons. If I ever get back to "normal," I'll see if there is a cure for it. Sympathy and condolences.
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Bex - 2005-06-06 07:09:50
I thought the comment above that "Happy people are just clueless idiots" was spot on! I've felt that for years, decades, eons... they just don't get anything... I've never understood "happy go lucky" or waking up "cheerful" in the morning...bah humbug to it all! I guess, LA, you are surrounding by like kind here... all-seers, all-knowers, and all-grumpies! Misery loves company...it's one reason I like reading your journals...
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Sif - 2005-06-06 07:14:28
So glad that you're back and writing, and terribly sorry you're not feeling the happy. And have no useful advice. But all these other people seem to, so I hope you're cheered by them :)
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Stephanie - 2005-06-06 07:22:21
Count me in with all the other people who don't understand what the hell those "happy, clueless idiots" are so cheerful about. While I will put on the happy face (mostly for the sake of my children), I can't remember the last time I felt pure, unadulterated joy. Sometimes I believe my ability to experience joy has been sucked right out of me.
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Magpie - 2005-06-06 11:03:30
My friend Redneck Geek thinks that most people are evil and stupid and that humanity is going to Darwinize itself right out of existence sooner rather than later. He's managed to accommodate himself to this by realizing that this world's the one he's stuck with and that there actually are a few things and a few people in it who make things worthwhile. There's a happy medium for you somewhere. Please keep writing until it finds you.
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red-wine - 2005-06-06 12:50:38
Amen, lady. You are right. That's all I've got to say.
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Summer Gale - 2005-06-06 13:15:27
I've heard a recurring theme here mentioning your mother. My mother was a very good mother and yet I resented her and was overly sensitive to criticism until I made peace between my childhood perceptions and my adult perceptions of her. This will be difficult for you but for me it started at about age 39 and lasted several years but my mom was alive and available. As a woman it is very hard to differentiate yourself and break away from your mother because she lives in your head. You can not be just you by being a boy .. you must differentiate by actually being different from her. Then you must forgive her and yourself. I forgave my father much earlier for his actions or lack of them but my mom was held accountable 10 years longer and she was a GOOD mom .. just human. I think you have hit a time in your life where you must re-evaluate things. Some things were just as you remember them, some may be seen in a different light but carrying the weight of all that makes it time to let it go. Some of it I never figured out but I let it go. I found peace between us that way. I could be way out of line here but I thought I'd mention it.
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Trance - 2005-06-06 15:35:44
I hope you find your joy. I do believe that it's out there. Hard to find, maybe, hiding like a motherfucker, but out there somewhere.
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