Tell me all about it, dear...

Trinity Sixty-Three - 2004-05-20 10:43:21
I am just hugging you sweetheart. I wish I had the power to change a few things for you. But only you have that ability. Know I love you.
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Amy - 2004-05-20 12:05:33
I have never understood why some people suffer more than others. That life is so terribly unfair is a bitter fucking pill to have to swallow. Seems to me that whoever is in charge has some 'splaining to do on that one.
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red-wine - 2004-05-20 12:47:45
Love? Lady, you got love. It may not be as readily available as we want, but believe me, it's there.
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fargahar - 2004-05-20 14:16:37
I think LA needs a HUGE group hug from all her commenters because despite the fact that we may just be some random people out in "cyberspace" the fact of the matter is, we read each others thoughts and feelings and we know sometimes more about each other than ANYONE else does and we accept each other faults and all. I have to say that I genuinely do care about EVERYONE on my buddy list and if push came to shove and Mike wouldn't take you to Sam's, I would fly out there and I would take you.
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fargahar - 2004-05-20 14:17:12
And I would take you to lunch too....
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Opheliafic - 2004-05-20 14:34:12
Feel hugged dear. I wish I could help you. I would be more then willing to snail mail write you as well... but I don't have your address. Hang in there.
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Canadian Jade Angel - 2004-05-20 14:36:41
Life isn't fair, but we make the best of it. As we get older, we often wonder why, why, why? I've had that "what did I ever do?" feeling too. I have a reasonably good marriage, but it took three tries to get there. I went from a womanizer to an abuser to finally finding someone decent when I was 42. However, I still feel that 'distance' often. As far as our kids go - been there too - I wrote a Mother's Day entry on the subject. One thing I do keep reminding myself of is that they had TWO parents. I refuse to take all the blame if they don't seem to be able to get it all together. I was smiling about something else too. When my Dad died, I was put behind half the people in the church at the funeral not with the family. The minister didn't even know I was his daughter until I went up to him at the graveyard and introduced myself. (He was embarrassed.) It's funny, the hardest thing we women find to understand is why we can't get past that male wall. The thing is - it isn't us - it's them. They simply aren't capable of giving us more. It sounds to me from all your notes that there are a lot of people out there who care about you. Hold that love close to your heart and cherish it and be thankful, as I am, for this cyber world where such tender, loving contact is possible. We aren't alone. People do care. Hang in there, you sound like a brave, caring person to me. *Hugs*
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Bex - 2004-05-20 16:11:28
LA ~ I have a whole 'nother view on why we suffer so much in this lifetime..it's to balance out our other lives... so rather than you being punished in this life for being so horrible in your previous one...possibly you had such a wonderful and blissful existence previously, your soul needed some grit to get itself back into balance with the yin and the yang of life-hood. Maybe you were a princess or a rich heir to some fortune before, had servants, admirers, and lots and lots of lovers and friends... you had all you could want, and more... maybe you should get yourself into a life-regression session and go back and enjoy it over again! I've done that before -- tasted one of my previous lives - although I wasn't much better off than I am in this one, but I was very happy and even had children and lived in England! So, think of it this way, you spent one great lifetime, then this one to get things back on track and you NEXT on will probably be SUPER! Bex
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oldmaid - 2004-05-20 16:12:39
LA - i don't feel that i have the wisdom to address most of the stuff in this post, but one thing that i am definitely qualified to speak about is the guilt over your kids. do *not* beat yourself up over your children! *no* parent is perfect, no matter how wonderful they may look from the outside. and, no child is perfect either. it's nobody's fault, that's just the way humans are. and why do i feel like i can tell you that? because, like you, my own mom was the product of an abusive family. and yeah, she did some kinda screwy things when raising me. and i turned out far from perfect. of course, from the outside we looked like the perfect family. but we're not. and that's ok. i still love my mom, and i still thing she did a great job of raising me, screw-ups and all. sometimes my mom gets to feeling guilty about some of the weird things she did to me as a child, and i just tell her to stop making herself feel awful. it's not worth it. i turned out fine. not perfect, but fine. your kids will be ok, too. they won't be perfect, but they'll be *fine*. we're all screwed up in our own unique ways, and that's ok. really. *hugs*
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colz - 2004-05-20 17:13:10
Oh LA, I got nothin.....nothin to make you feel better. I'm sorry that it's so rotten, though. But don't beat yourself up about the kids....you can influence them, but they are their own people. You know that. Otherwise you'd be a copy of your mom, and you're not. You went your own way. They will too. But they will take the good things you taught them. Even if they don't seem to "get it" now. C
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purple chai - 2004-05-20 17:34:02
I haven't been writing much here because I just didn't want to say something stupid. I still don't know if any of the things going through my head are un-stupid enough to say, so I won't even start. I did want you to know that I think of you a lot and wish I had something better for you. Hugs.
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Janice - 2004-05-20 17:38:23
I wish things were better for you. I'm sending you a hug.
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Wyndspirit - 2004-05-20 20:09:25
About your kids, one is a child yet and the other is barely finding himself. From the clues you've dropped, I'd say they may be far from perfect, but are definitely on the right track. And if they do NOT turn out so great, I would say more than half the blame belongs to their male role model. No matter which of you they are closer to, he is what they see as what a MAN is. As for love, each of these comments has a real live person behind it--the only thing different about any of us is we are spread all over the world. *hugs*
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