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Can we just jump to January please? - 2014-11-14
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4:52 p.m. - 2013-05-06
Looking Back to Go Forward

I have one word on my mind today.......barbeque.

OMG! I broke out the grill yesterday and the burgers that came off it were fantastic. Tonight I'm grilling again, have the London broil marinating as we speak. Might be a couple other grills going tonight in the neighbors' yards. Yesterday Wolf went down to the general store and said he could smell the smoke from our bbq more than halfway down the block. And that it smelled delicious.

There was corn on the cob at Shoprite and the sign claimed it was a product of the USA but I can't imagine anywhere in the States having good corn yet. So I passed even though the hankering for sweet corn is even haunting my dreams. I'd rather wait for local-(ish) corn in the proper season. Tough corn or blah corn would be too disappointing.

We've done an astonishing amount of chore work over the last couple months and have gotten into a routine with the cleaning and laundry, so much so that yesterday we realized everything was done. Sure, I guess there's always a closet to clean out or papers to sort, but after rattling around for a while after lunch Mick and I met up in the kitchen and started to laugh. There wasn't a single thing that needed doing. Cars? Gassed and washed. House? Tidy and sanitary. Yard? Neatly clipped and mowed on Thursday. Food shopping? Rolled out of bed at the crack of dawn, washed, dressed, and went straight to Shoprite yesterday. There and back and everything put away before Wolf or Mick were even out of bed. Bills are paid. Meds refilled. Birthday cards and such bought and mailed. Even Mother's Day is taken care of. MIL's gift is on its way to her via UPS. Wolf went out with his father on Friday and I understand he picked me up a goodie or two. Mick's offered to take me (and Wolf, of course) to Seaside on Sunday.

I've been keeping up with the repairs and restorations of Seaside via Facebook and I think enough of the wreckage from Sandy is cleared away and enough forward progress has been made that it won't lay me flat with grief to go there now.

Of course the Jet Star is still in the water.


But I think that's something I need to see. Not in a gruesome 'rubbernecking at the car accident' sort way. There's no secret sick pleasure in the leveling of this most special place for me. It's more that I am finally ready to have the bandages taken off so I can see the wounds and begin to heal from there.

Maybe it sounds biggity to go on and on about Seaside, I don't own property there and I'm not close friends with anyone who does, but if there's a place on Earth that does me good it's Seaside. Memories from my whole life. And all of them wonderful. Rare enough for anybody, but for someone like me and my lifetime of bad decisions and shitty experiences, to have somewhere to go where every landmark has a laugh and a happy story attached to it...wow. It's for certain Mother's Day is a mixed bag of awful and terrific anyhow, so why not go to Seaside? It'll be in keeping with what I'm feeling. Sorrow over loss tempered with hope. Nothing I can do to bring back what's gone, nothing. Yet to spend the day with the volunteer crews picking up tide-wash debris on the beach and seeing for myself what's left of Yesterday and what is being done for Tomorrow, yeah, I think it'll be all kinds of fine.


Love you lots, ~LA

2 Wanna talk about it!

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