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7:05 p.m. - 2013-02-19
Seeing Eddie

Oh man. I so wanted to write an exuberant report about seeing Eddie Izzard on Saturday but I woke up today with a HORRIBLE cramp under my left shoulder blade. It will not relax. I tried stretching, a hot shower, Advil and having Wolf dig his thumbs into it when we got home from errands a few minutes ago. Nothing is helping. For while this morning I worried I was having a heart attack but it's 9 hours later and the stupid thing hurts just as much as it ever did and nobody has a heart attack that lasts for hours and hours. It's simply a bad muscle spasm in an awkward place. This sucker hurts so, so much it's really cramping my writing. (groan for the bad pun)

Seeing Eddie Izzard in the flesh was fab though. He's been in NYC for the past month putting together material for the 'Force Majeure' tour and very nicely wandered upstate to give it a run-through in Poughkeepsie. Knowing how his routine evolves over the course of a tour I am most interested in what the end product will be like and look forward to the concert dvd release sometime in August after the tour closes. He did a lot of extemporaneous riffing on how weirdly 'Poughkeepsie' is spelled and P-town's rivalry with New Paltz across the river as to which town was artier and cooler and had weirder college students. (For my money it's New Paltz. Marist and Vassar aren't known for their whole earth, hemp-based, white people with dreads, pierced, tattooed, aggressively lefty as pacifists can be student bodies whereas I have just described every student at SUNY New Paltz, except of course the black students who are then whole earth, hemp-based, black people with dreads etc, etc, etc.) Also thanks to Eddie I realized I live on the Rive Gauche of the Hudson. Which is kind of cool especially considering my odds of ever seeing the real Rive Gauche in Paris are practically nil. Anyhow, the local venue-specific stuff won't be performed in Latvia or Slovenia, I'm pretty sure. Though his riff, "Hmm, how do you spell that?...'Poughkeepsie'...um...P...dump out a Scrabble set...'Poughkeepsie'," got a huge laugh and a round of applause.

The audience for the show was entertaining too. Except for the two twerps in the ladies room who sniggered behind my back as I was leaving and loudly pointed out that 'It' (me) should have opted for the unisex handicapped bathroom instead. Twats, the pair of them. Oh sure, not the first time I've been mistaken for a drag queen or possibly a pre-op tranny, but you'd think that if anyone were cool with gender-bending it would be someone at an Eddie Izzard show, eh? And color me amused when he came out on stage I saw Eddie and I had the same hairdo, a very similar make-up scheme and were wearing essentially the same outfit. No drag. Just jeans, boots, a t-shirt, and a blazer. Though his shirt was grey and mine was white and I don't have a beard. He had on more eyeliner too. But whatev. We were playing twinsies. As for the rest of the audience I guarantee every single person there reads the 'New York Times'. It was like a Mensa convention only with better outfits. You dig what I'm saying here? There wasn't a single pick-up truck in the parking lot. During the show Eddie was going on about the Renaissance and how dopey it was that something which took place in Italy was known by a French name. He said by rights it should be known as...and then tossed it out to the audience for the Italian name. At least 15 people shouted, " Il Rinascita!" You're not going to get that kind of response at a Larry the Cable Guy show, just sayin'.

Aside from the uncanny physical resemblance I think I like Eddie Izzard so much because he talks the way I think. Crazy tangents, riffs, rambles, dead-ends, backtracking, bizarre connections between things like tigers and shoes, Nazis and dessert, all the weird shit I've never been brave enough to say aloud very often, let alone have the chops to come out and do it in front of an audience for pay! I remember watching Eddie's 'Dressed To Kill' show on HBO with the ex and Mike turning to me and saying, "Jeeze, LA, are you related to this guy?" Not that I know of but it does seem like he is my brother from another mother. I will say for the record I am prettier as a girl. Eddie is a lousy dresser in drag. He wears some seriously ugly shit. By all means be a transvestite if that's what does ya, but goddamn, get a stylist, a personal shopper, a copy of 'Vogue', something.

I'd like to publically thank Mick who insisted I buy the tickets even though we were in that pinched place between paychecks and were just coming off Christmas too. My guy was going make this happen for me no matter what. I called it a combo birthday-Valentine's gift but if the show had been in August without a holiday or special event to tie it to I know Mick would have insisted I get the tickets just the same. Thanks, sweetie. I had a blast.

Conversations in the car with Wolf

Topics recently have included:

Fear of police.
Movies.
Manners. And why burping at the lunch table is cool.
Pimples.
Summer jobs.
YouTubes...ad infinitum. The kid never gives it a rest. Like I care about '100 Best Video Game Cut Scenes' or 'World's Lamest Skateboard Tricks'.
Cats vs Dogs. As pets, not the movie.
Joining a club.
And just today...Necrophilia. Again, you toddler moms have it sooo easy.

Back to Saturday night for a bit. The ex isn't the only one to get the LA/Eddie mind mess thing. After the show on the way back to the car Mick said he totally understood why I like the guy so much. "Baby, I'd pay good money to sit and listen to the two of you talk. Both of you just go from topic to topic, it's always smart and so goddamn funny! You think the same things like how there's no God and that humans are capable of greatness yet waste so much time being mean. You see things a lot of people don't. At least not until you point it out. Neither of you are cruel, you're not about making the other guy feel bad because there are too many other things to think about. History and funny stuff and language and how amazingly weird life is."

I thanked him nicely. Then we were in the car for hardly a minute when the other Mick chimed in from the radio. My Mick listened for a bit and then said, "Yes! Exactly!"


Cake, please. ~LA


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