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11:17 a.m. - 2012-05-03
Cats! (not the musical)

I really have to call the Guinness people because Mandy the Cat is likely the nosiest cat EVER. No nice-nelly 'curiosity', nuh uh, Mandy is nosy. I've yet to go into the bathroom and come back out and she's not standing there waiting. I make 4-5 trips to the bathroom a day and there she is just sitting outside the door every time. She's pretty dumb too, for a cat. Because she's always so surprised that I come back out of the can empty-handed. I'm like, "What? You're expecting I caught an elk in there? I just went pee, you dope." And she runs off all grouchy because I'd let her down again.

More cat weirdness. The other day Mick calls me outside and there's Lucky groveling at Mick's feet. Weird in a couple ways. The first being Lucky doesn't go outside. Ever. Never even goes near the door, unlike that dopey Mandy who (when she can) is forever making these mad bids for the outside world, because maybe there's an elk out there and she's just got to see it. When there's no elk (and there never is) Mandy squats down in a disappointed funk and waits to be taken back inside. Dimwit cat. But Lucky? Never. He wouldn't go outside even if there was an elk.

The other weird thing is how this cat was rolling around on the ground flashing his belly and looking up at Mick going, "Tummy rubs? Puh-leeeeze?" See, usually Lucky won't let Mick near him, Lucky skedaddles into the next room if Mick comes too close. Occasionally Lucky will deign to accept a head scratch from me, but only for a brief moment, then he remembers he doesn't like me and he runs away. Wolf, of course, can drape Lucky around his shoulders and wear him like a fur stole, but that's a whole other gig, Wolf is a Cat Whisperer. So a groveling Lucky begging for tummy rubs from Mick, outdoors no less, was truly strange.

I go over and damn if the cat doesn't start begging me. I squat down and give him some tummy lovin's. He's waving his paws in the air and if cats could giggle this one would be because he's out of his gourd with joy. I decide enough's enough and pick the cat up and he's screams at me. This is more typical Lucky behavior so I hung on tighter and headed for the backdoor. The cat lets loose with a god-awful snarl and starts to fight. I let him go and after cutting me a filthy look he runs off toward the Barky's yard. At this point Joe Barky comes out of his backdoor and says, "I see you met Ruffio. He's my daughter's cat."

I almost fell over from surprise. That cat is a dead ringer for Lucky. Same markings, same colors, same eyes, same huge panther-like size. Shocked, I called over to Joe, "Are you sure? I swear to God that's our cat, Lucky." Joe laughed and nodded and asked if we needed another one because we could have him if we wanted. I forced out a laugh and said, "No thanks. Identical cats in the same house would be too weird." Then I went inside just to make sure our cat was in there and sure enough there's Lucky sitting by the food dish glaring at me like he was desperately wishing for opposable thumbs so he could grip a knife properly and stab me in my sleep. No begging for tummy rubs from Lucky, that's for damn sure.

What are the odds? What are the odds that out of all the cats in the world the Barky daughter comes home from college with a cat identical to one of ours? Sure, Lucky isn't some wildly strange exotic, he's a glossy black and grey tiger stripe with a beige belly with spots, but he is HUGE. And he's got these cool golden green eyes. So does Ruffio. Except for the whole being friendly thing it is the same damn cat, I swear. I'm thinking that since the goof next-door is such a sweetie that Lucky is the Evil Twin. Which is fine. I don't mind Lucky being so aloof, at least I'm not tripping over him every time I take a leak.

Which, according to my bladder, it's time for. And poor dim Mandy will be right outside the door waiting for the elk that's never there.


Yours about to whiz, ~LA


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