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11:37 a.m. - 2012-02-28
Home Sweet Home

All sorts of good things.

I have my good glasses back. Even though I'd only lost one lens I had to get both replaced. Something about the Transitions color change not being in synch with one new and one old lens, a moot point, since I had to replace both lenses I got rid of the Transitions altogether. Garbage. Never again. Stupid things never got dark enough, especially in the car. I did, however, spring for the pricier polycarbon lenses with the built-in anti-glare. If the clunky pink glasses had a fault besides being wicked heavy to wear, it was the anti-glare coating. The teeniest bump or touch and the dang things had to be thoroughly cleaned. The anti-glare was smeary and gooey and a royal pain in the patoot. The new lenses in my good glasses stay clear as air and if I do get a wee smudge it usually wipes clean with little effort. And lightweight? I hardly know I'm wearing them. Closest thing to having naturally good vision I've had in years.

Lesson learned there. No cheaping out when buying new glasses. Go for the best lenses possible. Good glasses, like a good mattress, mean all the difference in the world when it comes to comfort.

I know whereof I speak. I might be Miss Pinchpenny but when it comes to my bed I don't dick around. (Except for...well, you know.) My mattress is a good'un with a pillow top. Plus I have a memory foam pad on top on that. Super soft jersey sheets. Five pillows of varying materials and density. And a fluffy comforter that's the perfect weight for me. Ahead of the time change when the sun will be full bore on the window at the butt-crack of dawn I've installed room darkening/noise dampening curtains. Turned the bedroom into a tomb. A really, really comfy tomb. On Sunday Mick slept straight through until noon. He was stunned at how restful it is in there now.

I mentioned last time that we got our Fed refund. Along with the massive grocery shopping we got caught up on the bills and such and still have a nice chunk to tuck into the savings account. There used to be a tug-o-war between me and Mr Spendy but he's come around to seeing it my way when it comes to saving. Having something put by toward the summer months when Mick's summer school paychecks are substantially less than his regular ones is a good thing. The last couple of summers have been far less stressful and have made a believer out of my little grasshopper husband.

Husbands and money brings me to the last but best thing of all. Yesterday in court the ex coughed up the entire amount of back child support. Apparently somebody really didn't want to go to jail. My attorney told me it was largest lump sum back child support payment he'd ever seen. Probably a county record. Most of the bastards who are delinquent on child support drag it all out with deals to pay X amount every month, something that's dumb on the face of it, if they'd paid monthly all along there'd have been no trouble in the first place. Duh. In any case the ex was in arrears so badly and for so long then add in the mess he made with the house no judge in his right mind was going to give him an installment plan. It was pay up or go to jail.

He paid.

This when added to what I've scrimped togther plus the small inheritance from my grandmother I've beggared myself to hang onto all these years means my house is safe. Roll on paperwork. The ex and his mess are history. My son has secure roof over his head forever.

Casa Sage is safe and it's mine.

When the realization sunk in yesterday all the water ran out of my knees and I nearly fainted. For the first time EVER I am safe. Where I lay my head at night is not at the whim and mercy of cruel parents, skinflint landlords, kind friends, or stupid spouses. I've been homeless twice, one time living in my car for a couple months. It's the most wretched feeling there is. Now I'll never ever be homeless again.

My growing up years taught me to be a victim and to settle for the shittiest meanest scraps and pretend to be grateful for them. And I made a lot of mistakes and no few messes as I dug my way out and learned to be a whole person. I've moved forward oh so cautiously, sometimes to my detriment, but it's been the best I could do. I've always tried to put my sons' welfare ahead of my own and stuck it out in situations that made no sense to people outside but seemed to me to be the only way I could do for my kids. Feels like I'd been scared since ever too. Afraid of losing what little I had. Afraid to ask for anything because I feared being punished for my want. But in my own confused timorous way I've finally made it.

Things might always be strained and sour between me and my elder son but he's okay. Smart, educated, employed, hell he's had his own house for years now. Well ahead of his dopey mother. I count that as success. I have a good strong loving husband who adores me. Somehow that happened when I wasn't looking for it and had given up even hoping. My younger son has come in from the autism wilderness and is funny, sweet, smart and going to regular school. Heck, I even have a loyal and loving dog who doesn't bark, howl, chew, dump the trash, or ever mess in the house. The cars are paid for and run just fine.

And now I have a house. My own house. A house only my own ineptitude or a natural disaster can ever put me out of.

Today is a very good day.


Be it ever so humble, ~LA

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