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2:24 p.m. - 2012-01-12
Mom and Wolf Talk Some More

I keep futzing with an entry about the upcoming election season and how the ugliness isn't going to come in here this time and why, but as always with something I feel strongly about I am having trouble with tone. Too angry. Too preachy. Too whiny. Too...gah! It'll come.

In the meantime things are steady on here. Okay, the love note from the IRS saying we owed them a big chunk of money was a shocker. Turns out to be nothing but a paperwork snafu by the bank which reported a non-taxable sum of money as earned income, but this will get fixed in no time. I have all necessary documentation to prove up and our peerless tax guy, Herb, rolled his eyes when we explained about the bank and said he'd have it all cleared up with the gubmint by the end of the week. So...whew!

I got the issues with my Nook straightened out too. Finally. The Nook dude at B&N was very helpful and got all the rest of the stuff set up- bank card, registering my machine and account, etc, but the main issue of my Nook not accepting my wifi network's password was still giving me fits when we got back home. Wolf took at a whack at it, you know how teenagers speak 'electronics' so intuitively while dinosaurs like me lurch around going, "What? Open what screen? HOW??? Waaaa!" But he couldn't get it either. Actually ended up bursting into tears. Though I found out it wasn't over his frustration with the Nook as it was him feeling sorry for me that everything is always such a hassle.

"Why, Mom? Why do you always get stuck with crap? Why is everything in your life always broken and shitty and so hard? How come you never get a break?"

I gathered him up and hugged and rocked him until he was quieter. Wolf doesn't cry easily so when he starts it's hard for him to stop quickly. When he could hear me we talked for a long time. I assured him that a screwy Nook was no biggie. Chucked him under the chin and got a watery little laugh out of him by insisting that if I ever had a piece of electronic equipment that worked properly from the get-go I'd drop down dead from the surprise of it all and where would that leave him and Mick? Nope, a screwed up Nook was par for the course and he shouldn't be so upset. As for the other hard parts of my life, well, they were over now, weren't they? My life is so breezy these days sometimes I'm sure it's a drug hallucination and that I'm actually in a padded room somewhere with a thorazine drip in my arm. That got another laugh out of him.

We kept talking. Surely he knew how good it was now, didn't he? Look at how great he was doing! I couldn't be more thrilled. He should remember his own path had been no stroll in the park, and now here he was reaping the benefits of all his hard work. Yeah, but what about when he was little? What about how hard it was to be his mom? Don't go there, kid. It's over. What counts is now. Anyway, I'd rather it be this way with the hard stuff first and the good stuff afterward instead of the other way around. Wolf muttered, "Like Alex." Nope, not true. Am I sad his brother and I can't figure out how to be friends? Of course. But I'm not worried about Alex. He's not living on the streets or in jail or is a meth addict. Alex is fine. He has a good job. Friends. His own house even! Alex is getting his master's degree and has a very nice girlfriend. He's happy. If being angry at me gives him the chops to do so well for himself then okay. I mentioned a few people we know whose kids went off the rails as young adults and how sad it was. It's not ideal, this falling out with his brother, but I don't need to worry about Alex. At least I know he's okay.

Wolf brought up his father. I laughed. "Sweetie, your dad and I were the perfect recipe for disaster. The absolute WORST mates we could have chosen for ourselves. But that's over with too. I have the right husband now. Mick and I are stupid in love with each other. More than that, we like the people we are now. Because we have each other I can be the LA I'd always hoped I could be and Mick feels the same way about himself. We had both been unhappy and lonely for a long time. Both of us spent a lot of years trying to make things work in relationships that didn't have a chance because the people we were with weren't the right ones. Bad fit. Whereas Mick and I click together as neatly as Legos. He could see that, yes? Wolf nodded. So if the worst life threw at me now was crappy cell phones and persnickety e-readers, hey, how can I complain?

The lousy days are over for us. Doesn't mean there's never any problems or hard parts, life doesn't work that way. There will always be something. A leaky faucet. A tax snafu. Hurt feelings. Health issues. Fights. He, Wolf, was going to foul up a term paper and lose a textbook once in a while. He'll get his heart stomped a couple times as he learns about the he-she business. He'll get a huge zit on his nose the day before his school picture. Shit happens. Did he understand? He had to trust me though when I say that the really bad stuff, the sucky days, the sad ones, we were all done with that mess now. He's a good guy to have such a wanting that my life always be creamy, shows what a strong loving heart he has. But really, kiddo, these are the good days. The ones we'd all waded through the shitstorms to get to. He no less than me and Mick. It's safe to be happy now. We'd earned it.

I gave my boy one last hug and sent him off to wash his boogery face while I put the kettle on for tea and cocoa. Mick came down for a cuppa and we sat around the dining room table sipping our drinks and nibbling on cookies. None of us said much. It was enough to be together feeling peaceful and content.

It is enough. More than enough. It's everything I've ever wanted. The only thing really.


Much love, ~LA


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