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Can we just jump to January please? - 2014-11-14
A (don't kick the) Bucket List - 2014-10-28
Put THIS in your pipe and DON'T smoke it! - 2014-10-23
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11:12 a.m. - 2011-08-15
Beneath the bustle.

What a nice surprise. Mick just called to say he'd be home in time to go with us to the dentist. Wolf is having a check-up. I don't anticipate any problems, neither of my kids has ever had a cavity, but it's always a possibility. I certainly don't need Mick to be along in case I have an attack of the vapors should Wolf's teeth have a problem and (eeeeeek!) he needs a filling, but Mick's company is welcome.

This is one of the things I love about my life now, the way Mick likes to be involved in all the doings. The ex just dumped all this stuff on me. Anything to do with the kids' health and schooling and social lives was strictly mine to deal with, he didn't know or care enough to find out. Unless I planted myself in front of the door to block his getaway and begged him the ex couldn't be bothered to take time from his own stuff to go with us to a doctor's appointment or a school meeting. Whatever he was doing was always more important, even if the only thing he had on his schedule was some jacking off and a nap.

And here's Mick. He'd read the appointment card I'd stuck on the refrigerator as a reminder to myself. The ex wouldn't have noticed it even if the damn thing was on fire. Not Mick. He saw it, marked the day and what time the appointment is for and took it upon himself to be here in time to go with us.

It's not just a difference in styles, that Mick is conscientious and organized and the ex is a bean-brained flake, it's the caring. Mick loves Wolf ergo Wolf's teeth matter. Mick loves me ergo everything I do matters. It's not assumed I'll handle all the nitty-natty and Mr Man can flit around always doing exactly and only what he wants to do. Would the world end if Mick didn't come to the dentist with us? Of course not. And if Mick hadn't volunteered I wouldn't have given it a thought. But he did volunteer, he'd been aware of the appointment all on his own, I hadn't needed to shove a lit stick of dynamite up his ass to get his attention. The details and the mechanics of our lives are important to Mick. Because we are important to Mick.

What a difference this makes! It was the ex's absolute indifference, his complete lack of care or thought about us, about me, that left such a hole in my heart. Nothing about me or the kids was ever important enough to be on the ex's radar. He simply didn't give a shit. Still doesn't. He's never once asked about Wolf's grades or if he's taking Spanish this year or who his friends are. Nada. It ground me down, the ex's callousness. Wore me out and starved my soul.

Mick? Life with Mick is a feast of fat things. My heart and soul aren't starved anymore.

Do we fight? Of course we do. We're two grown people with our own values and experiences and opinions. Stuff is going to get in the way of harmony sometimes. However, never fighting would be as bad as always fighting. If we never bumped against a difference of opinion and stuck up for something really important that the other seems to think is no big deal, then it would be a more benign version of life with the ex. The same lack of caring, only politer.

So sometimes we squabble. Sometimes we roar. I slam doors. He gets nasty. It happens. Truly I'd be frightened if it didn't.

I know I've been all up my own butt with all of this musing about love and relationships recently. It's funny because Life is still in full swing and there's plenty going on. We saw 'The Help' on Friday and it was fabulous. Wolf was shocked by how bad it used to be and we've talked a lot about social injustice and how racism isn't dead, just sneakier. Tea Party, anyone? Saturday we went to the folks' and did some chores and then took them out to eat at our fave diner. MIL, who'd not been out of the house for weeks except for doctor's appointments, was delighted to get out for something fun. As always, groceries were purchased, laundry done, meals prepared, pets tended. Mick changed his mind about doing a swap with his (useless, but very clean low-mileage) truck for an '05 Ford Focus. I lost my house key. Wolf grew another inch. Yesterday we dashed out and saw 'Rise of Planet of the Apes' which royally sucked. I signed up for streaming Netflix and have been gorging on documentaries and series TV. Wolf is trying to teach me to text. Mick and I have been enjoying 'House Hunters International' and a lot of nookie. I'm reading 'Kosher Chinese' by Michael Levy and 'The Elegance of the Hedgehog' by Muriel Barbery. The wildflower bed is chock-a-block with baby's breath and midget asters and something that hasn't bloomed yet but is really fricken tall. The septic is acting weird and I have fingers crossed the tank won't need pumping. Mick the non-fiction guy is reading 'Fahrenheit 451' and liking it. The damn woodchucks have turned the yard into their own private burrow farm. There's holes everywhere. All the usual and more, you know?

Which, I believe, is all the more reason to stop and think about the less concrete stuff. In the busy-ness of go and do it's nice to remind myself (and you, lovely friends) about the Why of Things. To take notice of feelings and tip a salute to love.


Grateful for all of it (except for woodchucks and 'Planet of the Apes'), ~LA

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