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12:48 p.m. - 2011-04-15
What the hell is normal anyway?

"Son derriere noir... c'est formidable!"
"Wow, I love your accent. What did you say?"
"I dig his black ass."
"It's taken, Goldilocks!"


Hey, Kids! Not a single good gym story today. Went. Did. Came home. MIL says hi! She doesn't quite get the whole blog thing, but she knows most of my friends live in my computer and thinks it's cool how I can hang out with my buds from all over the world without ever leaving my office.

Today's the last day of school before Spring Break. The guys are off all next week. We squeaked by without losing any time due to taking extra snow days. I think they had to forfeit the Friday from Memorial Day weekend, but no big. We don't usually do anything that weekend anyhow.

Nor are there plans for the break beyond doing more yard work. Wolf is having a friend over on Monday for an overnight visit. I know boys usually aren't as into sleepovers as girls are, but with Wolf going to a multi-district school his friends are spread all over the county. Having Mack over for the day, night and into the next day makes it easier for everyone. Along with being fun for Wolf it scratches my itch to be a Kool-Aid mom. Mack is a little strange but he's polite enough and doesn't pocket anything so I'm glad to have him. I'll serve up snacks like a doofus and probably inadvertently embarrass my kid somehow, mostly just by just being here, Wolf is going through a very age appropriate "God! My mom is such a dork!" phase.

Still bonks me out how 'normal' Wolf is despite being an Aspie. Actually Wolf's striving to be 'regular' is in a large part because he's an Aspie. He knows he's wired differently from the majority and tries like hell to minimize it by following rules absorbed from everything from 'Zits' comics to movies and TV to 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid' books. If 13 year olds are 'supposed' to be smelly, surly, horrified by their parents, wear cool clothes, and master the art of being vague, well by gum, Wolf is going to do it right.

Following family tradition Alex loathed being typical. He put a high premium on being an iconoclast. His scorn for his classmates' herd mentality was extreme. Whereas Wolf just wants to fit in. Be cool, of course, but not so odd as to be thought a weirdo. Breaks my heart a little sometimes that Wolf's yearning to be part of things is so fierce. Only because I know from bitter experience that fitting in is a zero sum game and damn hard, heck, nearly impossible to do well at anyhow. The standard bearers of the 'right' way to be are almost always evil, narrow, and pretty stupid. Like Sarah Palin's 'real' Americans. A tiny slice of the population that's been raised up and fetishized far beyond any merit earned. There IS no 'normal'. There are NO 'real' Americans. There's nobody who is absolutely the epitome of average, righteous and 'correct'.

Try telling that to my hungry-hearted kid. Huh. He'll likely tell you to fuck off and die. Wolf is going to be 'normal' or kill himself in the effort to get there.

Hey, I can sympathize. My outsized physical self and unasked for IQ set me outside the herd early on and I, too, yearned to be part of the gang. For many, many years I wanted to be 'normal' too. Average. Easily accepted. Regular. No such luck. All the things that set me apart were hated, miserable shitty burdens that I'd have gladly carved off me if I could have.

I couldn't.

And neither can Wolf.

But this is something that he'll have to discover and settle with himself. It's his luck that he's physically pretty average percentile-wise. Beautiful, yes. But not extraordinarily so. No Brad Pitt, but no handicaps of physique either. Just your average, decent looking white boy from the 'burbs who's had access to good dental care and nutrition. His off-kilter mental wiring and understanding of the world is a steeper hill to climb, but at least he doesn't have to add being freaky looking on top of it. I know I hope that his physical beauty will help offset whatever social oddness he might manifest when he returns to district school next year. God knows his mother was dopey enough to lust after his father who was a complete turd when it came to seduction and manners, but was so goddamn cute it didn't matter to me. Plus Mike had this tricked-out VW dressed up like a hot rod. And upon our first meeting he smiled his goofy Ernie Douglas smile and silently handed me a wild rose.

Surely there's a schmucky young woman or two who'll give my son the same break.


I can only hope. ~LA the Mom


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