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2:12 p.m. - 2011-02-26
Char-broiled Heart

For the curious this is my new stove HERE. There was an up-model LG that I liked too but the small amount of extra goodies and tiny increase of BTU on the power burners didn't seem worth the much heftier price tag. Black Beauty will get the job done just fine. And compared to my old cooker this new one is an F-16 to the old stove's rubber band balsa wood flyer. I've used all the functions already and getting used to the broiler being in the oven box itself instead of beneath in its own broiler drawer and remembering to hit the start button when using the oven are the only big differences from my old stove. Except, of course, for silly things like the doors actually closing properly and I don't have to light the gas rings with a candle anymore. Yeah, the old stove knew its days were numbered and along with the broiler door falling off again last week the igniter quit working just for spite.

I anthropomorphize my things and usually getting rid of an appliance or a car causes me much grief. "But what if the Bronco's new owner is mean to it?" (*sniff*) "You have to put the toaster oven in the garbage, I know it doesn't toast anymore and it smells like burnt cheese and all the knobs fell off, but I just can't bear to just throw it away like that! It'll think I don't love it anymore and will be so sad about going to the landfill!"

Until the crew took it on Thursday I honestly thought the old stove being hauled away would make me cry. The old stove's purchase and installation had been part of the Hobbit House's renovations, that heady time 8 years ago when I thought everything was going to be okay now. Mike and I were going to start over and get it right in this new place we were working so hard to make our own. I happily stripped wallpaper and sanded floors and painted and helped Mike install all new mechanicals and wiring and central air conditioning and appliances. When we re-did that funky Fabulous Fifties kitchen with its one bowl shallow sink and made that Jetson-esque electric stovetop and overhead oven combo go away and brought our kitchen into the 21st century I was thrilled. But I'll tell you a secret…I never liked that stove. It wasn't really the stove's fault, it was Mike's, but I could never love it the way I do the dishwasher and the big double-bowl sink. See, one rainy afternoon not long after the kitchen remodel was finished I came over from the old house to gloat over the new stove and the newly refurbished cabinets to find Mike and his tee-nouncy girlfriend all cozied up in the living room having a picnic, sharing a meal that skinny bitch had cooked on my new stove before I'd even gotten to use it once.

They say you never hear the shot that kills you, but I heard it just fine. It sounded just like the 'click click click' of the igniter on the now and forever hated stove.

So yeah, for 8 long years I dutifully kept that stove sparkly clean. I cooked 1,000s of meals on it. Even gave it a lovely mosaic backsplash and put a smiling Buddha on it for good luck. But I couldn't ever really love it or enjoy it or feel that it truly belonged to me. Funny that I minded that twerp using my stove far more than I minded her using Mike's dick, especially since both were supposedly my exclusive property, but there it is.

The new stove? The LG Black Beauty? It's mine. I researched and picked it out. I bought it with my own money.

And I cooked the first meal on it.

A lovely, rather Iron Chef-y dinner for my son and my new husband. The husband who's so good to me and who will never have a girlfriend, let alone a girlfriend who uses my stove.


There's only room for one cook in my kitchen and that's me. ~LA

9 Wanna talk about it!

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