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8:26 a.m. - 2010-07-06
An Ordinary Day Here

Yeah boy, it's a red letter day here at the House of Sage!

You guys are not going to BELIEVE the excitement around here! For reals.

First off it's Chemical Intervention Day!

Changing the baking soda in the fridge. Then I'm dumping the old baking soda down the kitchen sink drain holes and adding vinegar! Twin volcanoes right in my very own sink! Are you plotzing yet?

No?

Well then, hold onto your seats because I'm telling you I am also de-mineralizing the shower head! A plastic bowl full of CLR, an old toothbrush and some toothpicks and we got ourselves a party! When I'm finished that clogged up showerhead will be flowing like Niagara!

As if this weren't wonderful enough tonight is the monthly Big Flush. Uh huh, with the last flush of the day I'll be sending this month's Rid-X treatment off to the septic tank to give the bacteria within super poop eating powers! A healthy septic tank is a happy septic tank. Remember that, kids.

I honestly don't know how I manage to ride this whirlwind. Just talented and lucky, I suppose.

Later this morning I'm off to the gym to show off my new haircut. Could NOT stand my unruly shaggy mop anymore. It wasn't growing out into a charming bedhead-y sexy mess, it was just a plain old garden variety mess. Even Mick was like, "Um, Baby? Anytime you want me to help you cut your hair you just say the word, okay?" Yesterday I gave him the word and we attacked that horrible puffball with the Wahl. We buzzed and buzzed and buzzed. For a while it didn't seem like it was making any difference. Sure, huge gobs of hair were falling to the floor but my head didn't look any different. Poor Mick. After about 50 passes with the clippers and I still had that albino Buckwheat thing going on Mick says in this sad little voice, "Jeeze, Baby, you sure have A LOT of hair."

I understood. Patted his arm, nodded in sympathy and said, "Poor guy. Sort of like making a starving man do the dishes at a feast, huh?" He rolled his eyes upward as if taking in the shiny splendor of his own hairless pate and then began attacking my giant floof of hair again with great energy and a small unconscious snarl on his face.

Eventually we got it clipped down into something manageable. I hacked into what was left with the thinning shears and Mick trimmed around my ears and across the back with the scissors. It still needs some touching up, it always does after a major shearing. There's always a few recalcitrant locks that lie in wait and then spring forth in goofy lopsided cowlicks after I wash my hair a time or two. But on the whole I look like Me again. Feels good. I was rather lost without my buzz cut. Guess I'm the anti-Sampson, the shorter my hair is the more power I have.

Now if all of this excitement weren't enough for one day this afternoon I finally have my long awaited gyno appointment! YAY! I don't expect much from this initial consult, but at least I'll get seen. The process of straightening out my haywire girlie bits begins today. Thank goodness. I'm so fed up I'm ready to get up in there with my pasta rake and pull the whole mess out myself.

My, that's an attractive mental image, ain't it?

Speaking of brain searing sights, my child left here this morning for his first day of summer session wearing orange, brown, green, and yellow plaid Bermuda shorts, a red and black graphic print t-shirt, grey hiking socks rolled down into donuts around his ankles, gigantic white, black, and red patent leather basketball shoes, and a rainbow striped propeller hat.

I shit you not.

I sent him back upstairs to change into something sane and he came back down still wearing all of it but had added a black cloth belt screen printed with skulls and crossbones. I had to laugh. "Oh, much better."

You know what the best/worst part is? Somehow this child with his ridiculous amount of inborn cool made that nutty outfit work.


Much love from the style maven's mom, ~LA

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