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1:23 p.m. - 2010-05-25
Cross-wired priorities

Oy, I could sleep for a year and still not feel rested enough. Going with the theme of 'Girl, ain't nothin' in your life gonna be easy' my rogue reproductive system is still holding me hostage and I am ensconced in the red tent for Day #9. It's kicking my ass too. Doing my best to keep my iron and electrolytes up, struggling to find the middle ground between complete slothiness and insane martyrdom, and wrap my mind around the idea that I'm 47 years old and I have what is essentially diaper rash thanks to Always maxi pads and the ridiculously humid weather. Yeah, I know you really wanted to carry that bit of TMI around in your head, sorry.

I did, however, haul my sorry self to the gym today. I had to. I'd begged off on Friday and knew if I didn't make myself go today it'd become way too easy to keep finding reasonably valid excuses not to go. I will NOT quit on myself! Not! Not! Not! I don't care what my miserable crap heap of a body throws at me, I am worth more than that. So I went. Did 30 minutes of weight training and an 18 minute mile on the treadmill. Not fabulous, but I fricken did it and that counts for a lot. What's happening to me might not be pleasant, but it's part and parcel of being female therefore a natural process, if a mightily awful one. As I said to MIL this morning as I staggered along on the treadmill at a wimpish 3.3mph, "What if I had cancer? What if I quit on myself so easily if I were fighting for my life?" She looked startled for a second then bust out in a big grin. "LA, you're right. You can tough this out. I hope you know how much I love you."

I do. And it's one of the best things that ever happened to me. Had to wait for a reeeeeeally long time, but I finally have a mother who loves me and thinks I'm wonderful. Cool beans, eh?

It's not just because I make her kid happy either, MIL loves me for ME. A couple months back when things had gone so terrible between me and Mick MIL reassured me that no matter what happened that she'd always be part of my life. I believe her. Even if I shot Mick in the head MIL would come visit me in jail.

Though speaking of killing people, I read in the paper that the driver of the Subaru had blown through the stop and killed the guy on the motorcycle. And you know what is his punishment is? A traffic ticket. A fucking $25.00 fine for 'failure to yield'. That selfish impatient asshole took someone's LIFE and it's treated like a minor traffic ouchie. Guess if I want someone dead and don't want to do any jail time for it I should use my car. If I poisoned someone or shot him, I'd go away for life, but kill him with my car? No prob. Pay a fine that's less than half of what I paid for my Pumas and just skedaddle off to take up my life just as it was, even though someone else paid with his life and those who knew and loved him will have to go on somehow knowing that the one who'd killed their husband/father/friend paid a whole $25.00 in reparation. Wow.

We live in one hell of a screwed up society. Gay people legally marrying each other will supposedly doom us to societal anarchy, the complete annihilation of hetero marriages and probably bring on Armageddon and the End Times, but murdering someone with your Subaru because you were too fucking impatient to wait your turn at a stop sign is just okay dandy. "You, sir, pay your $25.00 murder fine and go forth to kill again, just don't marry a fag or we'll all be in deep shit, okay?"

Explain this to me, someone, please?


Frightened, confused, and outraged as usual, ~LA

5 Wanna talk about it!

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