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1:09 p.m. - 2010-02-08
Forward momentum

(Triumphant trumpet fanfare)

I have completed my first month at the gym. I've worked out nine times. Each workout has had its own goal, whether it was upping weight, increasing reps, taking on a new exercise, or simply going to the gym even when I felt like crap because I didn't want to let myself down, I've reached those individual goals and am making good on the overall promise of not being a drop-out.

Do I feel stronger? Not yet. At least not physically. Maybe I am but since I've upped weight and/or reps each time and keep adding new exercises it's hard to tell if I've improved in any significant way. I'm still learning what works and how to workout effectively. Also I don't keep stats like measurements or track my weight. Mick says my waist is getting tiny and my yoga pants are less bitey around my middle, so there's that. I can see how some folks are inspired by numbers, but I knew if I got all bound up in measuring myself that plateaus would discourage me and I'd start to fixate on the numbers rather than just using my bod because it feels good.

Mick offered to get me a 10 class pass to the local yoga studio for Valentine's Day. I'm considering it, but between the gym and dance lessons I think I've taken on enough stuff for my bod to learn for right now. I would like to add yoga eventually, it'll be a good complement to weight training (and yeah, the %$#* treadmill), and the mental serenity of yoga will be a real plus. But I know myself and might be apt to quit everything if I start to feel overwhelmed. Better to add things gradually when I'm ready.

Funny, I got into this because MIL needed company and nicely bribed me with the gym membership, not from any burning desire to be a gym rat on my own. Now that I'm into it I'm glad. It's ceased being something I'm doing because I love my MIL too much to let her down and is something I do for me. Cool beans.

Something I have gotten into on my own is 'True Blood' the HBO series. I picked up the boxed set of the first season at Sam's and have enjoyed the hell out of it. So many of my online friends rave about 'True Blood' that I had to check it out and am soooo glad I did. The 2nd season comes out on dvd in late May and I've already requested it for Mother's Day.

Finally got Mick to watch and now he's hooked too. I watched straight through and know how the first season plays out, whereas he's just finished episode 2. We watched together and he's a bit freaked by Sookie. He demands, "Is it like that for you?" and moans, "Oh man, I had no idea." "Gross! How do you deal with that?" I assured him my ability to hear was nowhere near as strong as Sookie's. But yeah, it's a noisy ass world and I end up knowing a whole lot of stuff I'd rather I didn't. Also unlike Sookie, I do NOT find it a relief to be with people I can't hear. Not being able to get a sense of what someone is feeling/thinking is scary to me. It makes me feel unsafe. How can I protect myself if I don't know what's coming? Maybe if I were like Sookie and could hear everything from everyone all the time it would be different. As it is I've trained myself to hear just enough to get a read off someone, to get the gist of their intentions and mood. The odd factoids of folk's personal business I pick up are less important than my knowing I'm safe. That's all I want. Or need.

In a related piece of "Bullshit! There's no such thing as psychics and witches, you delusional dipwad!" news, my new deck found me. As stark as the previous deck was gaudy, I was surprised by how clearly got the message. The deck literally fell at my feet. Not much for omens and signs, I picked it up and put it back on the shelf. I started to walk away and then turned back to look. No, the deck hadn't moved again, but I noticed how it was the only one of its type. It just sat there amongst the other offerings staring at me the way a slice of cake does on a refrigerator shelf. You know, you open the fridge to get milk for your coffee and there's that cake just staring at you? You didn't know it was even there. Hadn't wanted cake, hadn't gone to the fridge to even get a snack, but the cake insists. The new deck was doing me just like that. Hadn't thought about getting a deck, hadn't even really noticed what I'd put back onto the shelf. Something fell down and I put it back, that's all. Retraced my steps and plucked the deck back off the shelf. I looked down at it and realized how right it felt in my hands. And that was it. I bought it.

Haven't used it yet. When I got it home I unwrapped it, gave it a few introductory shuffles and then set it on my altar. I'll know when it's time to put it to use as a tool. (Yes, I heard that, thankyouverymuch. Believe what you like. Makes no nevermind to me. Or to the deck for that matter.)

Ever so slowly things are sliding into a new groove. Mick and I moving into a more partner oriented way of being together. I'm branching out in new areas with my work. Wolf is trying on his teenager wings. I haven't fallen off the wagon yet with the gym. And now I have a new deck. My life, which I tend to think of as static and constant, is moving forward. Odd but good.


Wishing you a happy Monday. ~LA

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