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My Profile
Because I can't bear to eulogize Doug - 2008-08-19
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8:19 a.m. - 2008-07-25
Yesterday I was getting ready to go to the farm. The rain had cooled things off enough to have the windows open. Knowing I was the only person home in a three block radius, after my shower I had no reason to cover up. So I sat here in my underpants putting on my make-up enjoying how unstuffy my office was when suddenly I saw someone walking up the backyard. Shit! It was the guy picking up our busted lawnmower to take it to the shop. I'd spaced it and forgotten he was coming. He had his back to me, but wouldn't for long. Now what? I'm nearly naked on one end of my office and the door is on the other end and there's nothing but HUGE open windows between here and there! Panic. I thought fast. What else to do but hit the floor and commando crawl my way to the bathroom? I know, right? I'm slithering across my office like a big naked snake praying I won't be spotted, reach up and somehow get the door open, duck across the hall into the bathroom and stand up. Only to realize the bathroom window is wide open too and the guy could see me just fine. Plop! I dropped like I'd been standing on a trapdoor. On the floor again I grab some clothes and wriggle into them while crouched down next to the toilet hysterically laughing at the dopey situation and feeling just a bit rueful thinking that if it were 20 years ago at least the guy would have caught something worth seeing. As it was the sight of my ghost-white droopy naked self would scare the shit out of him. I imagined the poor lawnmower guy getting back to the shop white as a sheet making hork hork noises. "Jesus, Tom! Are you okay?" "I made that pick up out in Mini-dunk and…and….and…ohmygod…the horror!" and he faints dead away. Who knew lawnmower repair could be so fraught with peril?
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