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My Profile
She blinded him with whiteness - 2008-07-25
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10:22 a.m. - 2008-04-02
Personally I think my kid is insane to be getting married at his age. But he did as I asked and waited until he had a college diploma. At least I think he'll have one in a couple weeks. In any case, he's older than his father and I were when we got married and as far as I know Rachel isn't pregnant, so there's that. For the record- I wasn't pregnant either, just very young and very stupid. Young doesn't equal stupid, but it does put you at a disadvantage when it comes to making decisions based on broad experience. And my son's experience with broads isn't much. Har dee har har. Meh. No parent has ever stopped a determined child from doing anything, so off he goes down the aisle. I'm sure Motel and Tzeitel will be fine. After all, even a poor music teacher is entitled to some happiness. I'd put up a pic of my own but am still having technical difficulties. Besides, Joey Heatherton is cuter. Tomorrow Wolf gets to enjoy the first perk from being level 4. He won't officially be on level 4 until Friday, but everyone is confident he'll make it. The level 4 gang is leaving campus and walking three blocks to the local pizzeria and Wolf gets to go. My kid is very stoked about the trip. Of course the kids will be supervised, but it's still quite an adventure to leave school in the middle of the day to go for a stroll downtown and get some lunch. I'm delighted Wolf was included and something cool was in the offing right away. He's worked very, very hard to achieve level 4. To get there he had to have nine weeks of solid 11-12 point days. 12 is the best possible score for a day. Everybody starts with 12 and points are deducted as the day goes on should the kid misbehave, have undone homework or not get his school work completed in a timely fashion. Think about whether you could nail a perfect day every day for two months and you'll see the huge effort my boy has put in. Then too once he's there he has to maintain the same standard to stay there. No coasting, no goofing off. Either he stays on track or back down to level three he goes. At one time I would have found this point system onerous and too focused on numbers. There would have seemed to have little room for extenuating circumstances and by being hard-nosed on specifics it seemed to exclude intangibles like intention and whether the kid had a good heart. I know better nowadays. Being incredibly reality based critters, Aspies and Autistics do their best when presented with readily recognized rewards, expectations and consequences. They flounder when they are left to guess what the desired result is. A completed worksheet is real. Finished homework with a checkmark at the top is real. Misbehave and watch a point being deducted from the tally board? That's real too. Direct cause and effect. None of that maddening incomprehensible weird stuff about feelings or mystifying social behaviors that the 'others' seem to put so much of a premium on. Expected behaviors are carefully outlined and usually posted in each classroom. The students know exactly what they are required to do. And it works for them. Follow the rules and keep your points. Break the rules and lose them. Bottom line. No guesswork. Though as you can see from my last entry Wolf has made huge strides into the business of feelings. Wolf recognizes that other people have feelings just as he does and he understands how his actions have an impact on how other people feel. This is nothing short of a miracle for an Aspie his age. Most Aspies don't make that leap until they are well on their way to adulthood, some of them (like Mike) never make it all. Usually it takes years and years of harsh negative social experience and often it's simply their own desire to stop taking shit for being the way they are that an Aspie will start to factor in how their behavior effects others. I think about my ex-BIL who was in college when he taught himself to use a social smile. He knew other people reacted to him badly. He knew he was disliked and not sought out for conversation and friendships. He just never made the connection between others' repulsion and his own grim deadpan face and complete lack of discernible reaction when they spoke with him. BIL seemed totally indifferent to what was being said to him. Not exactly a recipe for popularity and success. But he finally twigged it and was astonished at the results. To this day he thinks it's weird that rearranging his facial muscles can have such a huge impact on his dealings with the world. He's hearing what's being said just the same as he always did. But now because he nods and smiles other people are assured that he's 'there' with them. They don't feel closed off and insulted as they had before BIL learned to use his social face. It still makes no sense to him this deliberate assumption of a facial expression, but the guy will do what he has to to get ahead. So he smiles and nods and secretly wonders why the hell the direction the corners of his mouth point in makes people think he's hearing them any better than he always had. What does his mouth have to do with his ears? Nothing, according to an Aspie. Everything, according to an Other. And ex-BIL is a decent guy. Not a mean asshole like his brothers and yet it's still a struggle for him to 'get it'. So for Wolf to have not only gotten it so young, but that he's gone beyond questioning why any of this is necessary and totally accepts his end of the social contract and the responsibility he has towards others…wow, this is HUGE. He's a zillion miles ahead of the game. Wolf has a real chance at having a successful and positive social experience. He's already rewarded with smiles and hugs and people wanting to be near him. He won't have to burn through dozens of potential friendships and emotionally exhaust the ones brave enough to stick it out. Nor will he have to be in tears all the time from rejection and not understanding why people don't like him.
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