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She blinded him with whiteness - 2008-07-25
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10:03 p.m. - 2008-03-29
The happiest couple in D-Land celebrated their anniversary yesterday and a swell time was had by all. Mick took the day off so we could do some errands together because that's the kind of kwazy kids we are and there's nothing more romantic than auto parts stores and lunch under the golden arches. In truth the party continues until late tomorrow, we have the place to ourselves. Normally my ex is the master of spectacularly bad timing, but for some odd reason he decided to take Wolf to visit his brother this weekend. Actually it's not that odd he chose to go now, the weather is nice and he seems to have abandoned the idea of working for a living so he's got tons of spare time. Of course it helped that I haven't spoken to him in weeks nor if I had would I have mentioned it was a special weekend for me and Mick, duh, otherwise Mike would have forfeited a kidney to spoil things. But what the ex doesn't know can't hurt us. Yeah, what the ex doesn't know would fill the Grand Canyon, vast is my ex's ignorance, but in this case his not knowing March 28 is forever marked as Our Date with Destiny was a real bonus. My kid gets to spend a lot of quality time with Alex's Wii and Mick and I can be nakey in the living room. It's all good. Good too was MIL's anniversary gift to us, she sprang for two new tires for Jet. I swear to you we did NOT go to the dealership so she'd buy us tires. We only stopped by the dealership to get a replacement key for this dadblasted locking lug nut which was gumming things up. We only found out the key was missing from Jet's tire changing kit while we were already at the tire discount place across town. See? We were going to buy the tires our own selves. But no key, so no replacement tire, and off to the dealership we went. MIL hears our predicament and volunteers to use her employee discount to get us a good deal on tires there. No fools we agree. In the meantime the day had gotten away from us so while Jet was in the garage getting her shoes changed Mick and I hied off home in MIL's car to meet Wolf's bus. Soon as we had the kid we went right back to the dealership, but it was too late. MIL had paid for the tires. The woman's generosity is overwhelming. All I could do was stutter my thanks and try not to cry all over her nice suede blazer. So Jet is nicely shod and her lousy locking lug was replaced with a normal one. At worst a loony with a pash for 10 year old Beetles might steal the whole car, but we'll never wake up one morning to find Jet up on cinderblocks in the driveway because some thief made off with her tires. We live in Mini-dunk pop. 476, not the Bronx. Locking pain-in-the-ass lug nuts we don't need. Something I did need was a new bra. So I got one. To be honest there's more rubber and steel in the bra than in the new radials, most of my appalling weight gain has been in boobage and tummy. The gut has to hang out there for all the world to see, a fitting punishment for my slothy gluttony, but cleavage muffins the size of whole birthday cakes are another matter entirely and I needed a well-fitting bra. I got a super sex-ay plain white one with two-inch wide shoulder straps and rebar underwires in 40 gauge surgical steel. This being the gold star standard for chicks whose boobs each weigh more than your average third grader and have a larger circumference than the head on the bod that sports them. No lie, I tried it this morning and couldn't decide whether to laugh, cry or throw up when I saw that one cup of the new bra fits over my head…with room to spare. And I'm not one of those tiny head people either. I have a big old Charlie Brown noggin. But fat, broke, and once again lugging around the Breasts That Smothered Pittsburgh, I am still one deliriously happy girlie. This has absolutely been the best year of my life. Mick is a man without peer. Never could I imagine being so loved, especially by one such as he. Even better, he is astonished and grateful that I love him and credits me with giving him a whole new life. I'd say it truly goes both ways and we are very lucky to have each other. Best part? This is only the first year. We still have another 40 or so to go.
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