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My Profile
She blinded him with whiteness - 2008-07-25
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1:31 p.m. - 2008-03-13
Unbelievable. Last night Mick and I went to court. The case against the next-doors and their abuse of their dog (and my sanity) had been moved to last night because of the Valentine's Day snowstorm. Night court in Mini-dunk isn't anywhere near as amusing as the TV show, but it was interesting enough to speculate on the motley collection of speeders, building code violators, and the other assorted petty criminals waiting their turns before the bench. The next-doors were in the row of chairs ahead of us and they were very careful not to look our way even though the door to the courtroom was right near us and the pneumatic hinge made this giggle-worthy groaning noise every time the door opened or shut. I, however, had no problem glaring at those nogoodniks and sending mental daggers their way. Believe it or not, last night was the first time I'd ever seen Mrs Barky up close, this despite living less than 20 yards from these schlemiels for over 5 years and trekking over there numerous times to complain about the dog. We didn't have to wait long once things got going. The honorable Joe Schmoe and his 1,000 year old court clerk had trouble getting his laptop booted up, but while his recalcitrant machine beeped and booped Hizzonner explained the proceedings and fielded questions from a couple of confused toothless guys who wanted to know why, why, why making moonshine was considered a crime if they drank the hooch themselves. (I guess as opposed to running a hillbilly speakeasy in their garage and selling their 180 proof wares to the local teenagers.) Finally met the very nice Dog Warden in person. We've spoken many, many times on the phone and I was delighted to find out she looked almost exactly as I pictured her. (For sure radio DJs never look like their voices sound. Our local bad boy shock jock looks like the cuddly offspring of Poppin' Fresh and an accountant. Born to be mild, that one.) So the judge ran the list and the first few names he called were no-shows. The first actual attendees to be called were the next-doors and we (Mick, Nan the Dog Warden and I) were disgusted to find out this was the next-doors' arraignment and not the trial. Then we were utterly flabbergasted to hear Mr Barky enter a plea of NOT GUILTY to all charges! WTF???? Nan gasped and spluttered and was barely able to choke out her agreement to a trial date set (get this) on May 18th. Not guilty? We have these motherfuckers on video! Mr Barky admitted to the dog's bad behavior and their lack in providing food, water, shelter and any semblance of training to the beast to Nan's face! And now this guy has the big brass ones to get before the judge and say, "Oh no. Our puppy-wuppy lives large on a satin bed and filet steak and never, ever makes a peep!" Mick is growling, Nan is spluttering and I'm clutching my skull to keep my head from exploding and we hear the judge say to Mr Barky that while he's before the bench how about he plead out the rather hefty speeding ticket he's also on the docket for? That was good for a laugh anyhow. Along with being shitty neighbors, perjurers, and dog abusers, it seems at least the male half of the dynamic duo is also a traffic scofflaw and a road menace. Now I'm looking at two more months of being driven shrieking mad by that dog's incessant barking, Wolf still can't go near his tire swing because the dog charges at him frothing and snapping, and I'm further driven mad by having to listen to Mick's endless bitching about the dog and their shitheel owners every damn day when he gets home from work. Why do people suck so bad? Why are they so selfish and cowardly and mean? How on Earth do these people think they can get away with their whoppers about their 'wonderful' dog and their own stellar dog parenting? Why put our family through this? What point is served? And for that matter, why are they so cruel to and heedless with the dog in the first place? I don't get it. I just don't get it. However, I do get to finally invest in some earplugs lest I go completely around the pipe.
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