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My Profile
She blinded him with whiteness - 2008-07-25
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8:41 a.m. - 2008-02-20
Mick brought flowers. A BIG bouquet of mixed spring flowers in bright sunny colors. They are here in a vase on the corner of my desk completely blocking the view of my gloomy sodden yard. This is making me feel a zillion times better. I spoke with Mo yesterday and in trying to cheer each other up we both saw we had genuine things to be glad about. I also helped her through a few rounds of 'Worst Case Scenario' since she was freaking out over some decisions about the direction her life should take. WCS is my favorite method of taming those huge but nebulous fears of the future. My feeling is if I can step up and truly look at the worst possible outcome my fear becomes manageable. I don't chide myself and do that perky crap about how high the odds are stacked against such a bad thing happening, it doesn't help me in the least. But if I face down the demon and know myself to be well-able to meet the challenge should it come to that wretched end, then I can go forward with confidence. Back-assward maybe, but it works for me. Worked for Mo too. A little bit anyhow. Just by saying the worst things aloud she was able to stop freaking out and see for herself that even the awful-est outcomes could be handled. Gave Wolf a radical haircut yesterday. I hacked about 4 inches off the sides and back and brought it up to about chin length. It needs a bit more shaping, but all in all not a bad job. He's happy with it and that's what counts. Also gave myself a haircut, but it wasn't on my head. Mick was very surprised. He knows my feelings about grown women looking like grown women and how disgusted I am with the current 'fashion' of feeding male pedophiliac fantasies with women taking off all their pubic hair and turning themselves into 'little girls with big boobies'. But in full hairdresser mode after I did Wolf's cut I'd tidied up Mick's neck and hairline with the clippers and there I was alone in the bathroom and the clippers were handy… Bald isn't exactly the operative word, more like a reverse Picard. Man, am I the queen of TMI or what? Groomed other things too. Painted my nails a deep carnation pink. Exfoliated my face and neck with the thermal dermabrasion stuff from Olay and scoured the rest of my carcass with a sea salt scrub. Plucked my eyebrows. Generally I did what I could to make my physical self feel clean and soft and smooth. Then when I was all pretty and lotioned I made a huge mug of my favorite tea. Took it and a brownie into my office and did frivolous stuff on my computer for an hour. Found a wonderful ecard in my mailbox from Batten. (You are soooooo wonderful!) The brownie was extra good too. After taking the pan from the oven I'd set a dozen or so dark chocolate Hershey kisses on top of the hot brownies and let them melt. Smoothed it into a rich thick layer which cooled and hardened into The Best Frosting Ever. While I was relaxing Mick and Wolf tidied up the living and dining rooms so when I came out to make dinner in my clean, clean kitchen the other rooms were all spiffy too, which was a lovely surprise. I can't honestly say the dark is entirely gone. But it's better. And better is good.
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