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She blinded him with whiteness - 2008-07-25
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10:16 p.m. - 2008-02-18
It's that book thing. A command performance for GBW. Grab the nearest book. Tell whoever tagged you that you did it. First up: Big Boned by Meg Cabot. '"He couldn't have done it."' Betsy looked confused so MacGruder went on, "There's no way he could have done it, sweetheart, because he has nothing to do it with. Not since that business in Van Nuys. I warned him not to piss off the Benihana chef, but he had to find out the hard way. Let's just say our friend makes Hedwig look well-endowed." Our next selection is from: Any Place I Hang My Hat by Susan Isaacs. 'Her husband, Grandpa George, a lox and sturgeon slicer at Ike & Myron's Smoked Fish Specialties, stopped embarrassing her when, at forty-two, he crossed against a red light and got hit by an M21 bus, which killed him instantly.' The settlement from the city (even though Grandpa George had been jaywalking and therefore his widow technically wasn't entitled to any kind of pay-out for negligence by the MTA, but Grandma Lois's lawyer, Arnie Shenkman, was a persistent son-of-a-bitch) allowed Grandma Lois to live a modestly lavish lifestyle which was the envy of her Thursday mahjong group. Not only did Lois not have to bother with a husband anymore, her semi-detached row house in Queens was paid off and thanks to Myron, Grandpa George's former boss who had something of a crush on Grandma Lois, she had a steady supply of nova and herring. The bagels and schmear at her place was to die for. Lastly we have: You Suck by Christopher Moore. 'I was already about ready to pee with nervousness when I got to Flood's door, but then, just as I get my key in the door, this big Hummer limo pulls up, and these three college-age guys climb out followed by this blue woman in a silver dress with ginormous fake boobs.' It's Christopher Moore, people. Ain't nothing I could add to that except maybe a plea to be hooked up with his dealer because whatever he's on I want some. No tags. Most everybody's done this already anyhow.
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