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My Profile
She blinded him with whiteness - 2008-07-25
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10:29 a.m. - 2008-01-15
Got this one over at Liz's place. And like her, Im happy with the result. Sometimes I feel ancient. Uber-responsible and boring. So to know that sometimes my behavior is youthful and fun is good.
On the other hand…black lipstick? I don't think so. I did the goth thing back in the early 90's and even then it was blood red lipstick, not black. There's having fun and feeling young and then there's Too Weird For Words. Black lipstick is definitely the latter. Funny about being weird, I couldn't care less anymore. At one time I made quite a fetish of being a weirdo. Mostly it was a reaction to never being allowed to play with the other reindeer ever, ever. My mindset was like, "Okay, I'm always too weird for you people? I'll show you what weird really looks like!" Outraging the straights, mockery of the norm and thumbing my nose at conformity was soothing. Others' discomfort with me was a balm on that wounded place which just wanted to be friends and had never been allowed. "You won't let me in the clubhouse? Then I'll sit under your smug little tree house burning rubbish, blasting the Ramones and laughing at your dumb asses." Eventually I got bored with getting a rise out of the mayonnaise crowd though and wandered off in search of more interesting things to do. You know that panel of Olympic judges who follows you around holding up scorecards on every single aspect of your life? I'm not sure where mine went or when exactly they left, but they sure ain't here anymore. I do know they left a good while before I met Mick. However since he came I have found I have zero need to snag anyone else's attention. I have someone who's always paying attention to me now. Renders outside validation superfluous. Thus shooing off the last bit of that need to categorize and label things. I read, wear, say, and do what pleases me and I do it without wondering if it's cool enough or what kind of 'statement' it makes. Such a bloody relief! BUT this does not mean I have begun reading Harlequins nor will I ever own a sparkly kitten sweatshirt. Even if I don't give a rap about 'them' I still have my own standards to maintain.
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