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My Profile
She blinded him with whiteness - 2008-07-25
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6:37 a.m. - 2007-12-27
LA's Finishing School Mick's mother coined this. According to MIL this is where Mick is right now. She'd brought him up to be a good man, but there'd been a few gaps in his education. Gaps which are being filled in now at LA's Finishing School. Things like Mick learning to cook. His new styling way of dressing. And okay, my not allowing Mick's grumpiness to get out of hand. MIL gets the giggles over my snarky/sweet reminders for Mick to put a sock in it and get over himself. If Mick had a fault it was a tendency to get wound up over trifles. Somebody used to take himself just a leetle too seriously and think HIS way was the ONLY way. Uh huh. Not anymore, Mr Snitty Pants. Yesterday was FIL's birthday. I know, right? The day after Christmas is a very badly timed birthday. Everybody feels sorry for Christmas babies and most folks go out of their way to make a big deal out of the holiday and the birthday. But the day after? Too bad, kid. We partied down yesterday. But FIL is a pretty good sport about his lousy birthday and even has a joke. Immediately after giving birth the doctor hands the baby to FIL's mother. She looks at the gooey bloody baby and says, "Jesus Christ!" And the doc deadpans, "No, He was born yesterday." Bah dump bum. Thank you. We'll be here all week. Praise is a funny thing. I do get the intent behind the rah-rah self-esteem boosting of recent years, I just feel the execution has gone awry. "Good job, Tristan! You bit Mommy's face sooo hard! You are a very, very good biter!" However, when you are really appreciated for who you are…wow. There's nothing better. Mick tells me I'm wonderful all the time. I, in turn, tell him it's his belief in my wonderfulness which allows me to be so. It's the honesty, I think. He's not blowing smoke up my ass with ulterior motive- Mick isn't bullshitting me when he says I take such good care of him so I'll keep on fixing his breakfast and washing his clothes, you know? He's genuinely wowed by me. Mick sees the meals and such for what they are, it's me saying, "I love you." It's not only the stuff I do though. His admiration for my take on things, my diplomacy, my adherence to the Golden Rule, those are the things that blow him out of the water. He's not shy about telling me he sees these things and how much being with someone who lives as I do helps him be the kind of man he wants to be. It feeds on itself, this goodness. Too often our actions are filtered through others' agendas and judged with an incredibly jaundiced eye. I've seen too much and been hurt too much to ever stop being a realist, but I'm not a cynic anymore. I have a safe house, a haven. I'm not smacked down for being myself anymore. I'm not mocked when I'm being sincere. Nor am I sneered at and accused of being manipulative when I'm nice. I don't have to be fearful of the cheap shot. Amazing things happen when one is allowed to stand down and finally be open. The best of it for me is definitely that someone finally believes I mean what I say. Mick actually sees I really am decent. And kind. And always striving to be fair. I know. I know it says way more about those who refused to accept me the way I truly am than it says anything about me, but it's been so hard! I loathed being smirked at. I detested being accused of vanity, sneakiness, and deception for being my honest self. It hurt to never be taken at face value and assumed to have all sorts of nasty shit going on beneath the surface. Continually short-changed and sentenced for crimes I never thought of committing let alone carrying out was wearisome and heartbreaking. The freedom to be decent and to hold my head up and be proud of the way I am has been the best thing that ever happened to me. For the first time EVER I am credited with having a loving heart. And damn it feels good.
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