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My Profile
She blinded him with whiteness - 2008-07-25
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9:50 a.m. - 2007-12-26
It is very weird to be in a room full of people who ALL like me. Oh of course there've been parties and cons and whatevers where I knew myself to be welcome and liked. But pay attention here, this was a room full of family. You know, relatives? Hello? A room full of IN-LAWS??? And every last one of them was glad of me. . Sorry. I had to go lie down. The dizziness overwhelmed for a minute. We really did have a super time at SIL's yesterday. My uptight SIL is much more relaxed on her home turf. She and I even shared a huge laugh, like almost wetting ourselves we were laughing so hard, over MIL's description of accidentally stumbling across Talk Sex with Sue Johnson on the Oxygen Network. MIL's telling us about her introduction to strap-on dildos (which she hadn't caught the name for- she called it a 'contraption on a belt') and her surprised puzzlement over what anyone could possibly use one of those things for. And then! MIL went on breathlessly, this lady called in with a question about oral sex! MIL told us she could not believe her ears. They didn't have such a thing back in her day! Now of course MIL meant call-in sex shows, but the way it came out it sounded like oral sex hadn't been invented yet. SIL and I were howling, especially because Mick was sitting there like a stone all shocked and horrified to hear his sainted mother gnarring on about strap-ons and blow jobs. On Christmas, no less. Between listening to MIL's sweetly befuddled porn story and seeing Mick's horror-struck face SIL and I came near to busting a gut. A bonding moment for certain. Then later Nephew (who's joined the family obsession with bodybuilding) was showing off his one-armed push-ups. MIL asked when he'd learned to do it one-handed and in an aside to Mick I muttered, "When he hit puberty," causing my beloved to snork bean dip out his nose. It wasn't all raunch, there were regular G-rated jokes and silliness. Stories were swapped. A terrific meal prepared and eaten. Mick demonstrated his newly learned skill of potato peeling. Seeing her brother actually do something useful in the kitchen SIL pretended to faint. Then she gave me a high five, poured us both another glass of champagne and we clinked glasses over Mick's late-in-life domestication. Wolf was made welcome too. He and Nephew played Guitar Hero and chased the cats around with Wolf's Transformer Nerf dart shooter. BIL and Mick were knocked over by Wolf's uncanny talent at shooting pool and made much of Wolf's prowess with a cue. Naturally MIL was stoked to have both her grandsons to play with. 18 year old Nephew was a good sport about joining his grandmother and the new kid (Wolf) in a 3-handed game of Old Maid. On the way home Mick told me he'd never had a better Christmas. No fret. No strife. Never had so much fun. I agreed and marveled aloud over how different is was to be liked by family. I confessed I almost want to say, "What's wrong with you people? Don't you know I'm horrible LA? That awful ruiner of everything?" Mick patted my leg and assured me that until recently I'd just been running with the wrong crowd. Far from being a ruiner I was the one he and they had been waiting for to make everything just right. Sweet.
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