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My Profile
Fairytales for a Practical Princess - 2008-11-30
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12:43 p.m. - 2007-12-23
You'd think I'd know this already. That as a student of human nature I'd have seen this in action enough times to see it coming before it happened to me, but noooo, I'm a stupe. I actually got smacked down for being happy. Got called horrible names. Was accused of being addled and going lame and soft. Told I was fucked in the head and ridiculous. All for the terrible, terrible crime of being happy. Apparently my life is supposed to be shitty. What makes me 'me' is being pissed on, taken for granted, bitched at and that I am supposed be slaving away for ungrateful hateful wretches who belittle my efforts and think my being in constant pain is good for me. How dare I? How dare I insist on being treated with dignity and respect? How dare I want to have some safety and peace of mind? Who the fuck am I to stand everything on its head and do for myself? Don't I know I'm a lousy person who deserves nothing but grief? Don't I know what my place is? Don't I know my sole purpose is to be the world's whipping girl to be faulted for everything from hurricanes to bunions? And how could I possibly be so awful as to forget it's my fucking job to endlessly give and be spat on for my efforts? "Thank you, sir! May I have another?" Nobody likes it when a fool wises up. When the serf throws off the shackles and starts planting her own damn crops the former masters get all kinds of nasty. Dobby the fucking house elf, that's me. Who the hell do I think I am to stop closing my ears in the oven door? To stop punishing myself for just being alive? Listen up, Malfoys of the world, I is a free elf now. You don't like it? Too goddamn bad. My best wasn't good enough for you anyhow, remember? I never got anything right and everything was my fault for being so awful in the first place. Wasn't I told that endlessly on a tape loop pf recrimination and blame? I am LA the Life Ruiner! How could you forget that so fast? So what do you care if I chose to live another kind of life? I sucked before. Always a screw-up. Always letting everybody down and making those around me miserable with my inept servitude that never, ever, ever measured up to what those around me demanded? I surely do not understand why I am supposed to keep playing a losing game. Why on Earth I should be laying myself out for someone who believed I did everything wrong and made no bones about how my love and concern and hard work on their behalf was slipshod crap? Unwanted garbage that stank up their life? Seriously. WTF? Can't have it both ways, chucklehead. Can't bitch that what I did was worse than worthless, then bitch because I stopped doing it. Well, you can, but I'm just going to snort with derision and go back to living my 'terrible' happy life with my 'terrible' new man who treats me like gold. Sheesh.
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