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My Profile
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone... - 2009-11-05
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4:09 p.m. - 2006-09-26
I was outside just before and turned my face to the sun. It was warm enough when I was full-on towards it, but when I turned to face forward again I could feel the air's chill. I wondered if there was a metaphor in there, decided it wasn't worth pursuing and watched the butterflies instead. Which, of course, is a decent metaphor for where I'm at right now. Freudian that I am, I've put him aside for the nonce and have been having a thing with Jung. Embracing the shadow self. In the process of my integration into a whole person I'm taking those squashed shadow parts out and wearing them for a while. Jung never said you had to do more than accept you own those suppressed parts, but with me to do is to be. So I'm wearing the one persona who never saw the light of day. My shadow self even has a name of sorts, she's LA in the Cage. The bawdy, non-serious scoundrel I locked up years ago because she was nothing but grief and trouble. I starved her and I ignored her. I did little voo-doo dances hoping to kill her. She'd never die that one. Not only didn't she die, she kept picking the lock on her cage. Rattled the bars endlessly. I hated her. I had to. She wanted everything I'd convinced myself it was unworthy to have. Unworthy to even think in that direction. Unworthy and dangerous. Threatened everything else in my life. Should have told me something that at things like JournalCons the caged one was allowed to come out on a VERY short leash for a tiny bit and upon my return I had to fight like hell to get her back in. It hurt. Spiritually, sure. Physically too. I always flare after getting back from a trip. I chalked it up to physical stress and being out of my comfort zone. Nuh uh. It was my body reacting to the stress of mashing great whacking hunks of myself back inside the prison. So I'm going to be a scoundrel for a while. Think of it as an extended Talk Like A Pirate Day. When I'm comfortable with my scoundrel it will take its place in the pantheon of selves and it will be no more and no less than the others. I take it from the sniffy disapproving near-silence in my comments there's many many of you who are not liking where I've been taking my life recently. It's cool. Sucks when Mom morphs into a regular person. All I've got say about that is: Even Superman did the nasty with Lois Lane. Sometimes the cape comes off.
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