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Because I can't bear to eulogize Doug - 2008-08-19
Brezzing without the a/c for a week now! - 2008-08-17
Our next stop on the galaxy tour... - 2008-08-16
Raw. So very raw. - 2008-08-14
Betty and the... - 2008-08-13

12:45 a.m. - 2005-08-23
The Fashionista speaks

Whoo boy. That felt good. Okay, not good, but sometimes a hissy is the only thing that'll do.

Slowly regaining my equilibrium. Feels like I should apologize for being so sad and angry. Dumb, eh? But Gods forbid, I be a bad hostess (or is it guest? After all, I am visiting your machine.). I know this is my place, but when you invite folks over it's polite to be entertaining. Not one damn entertaining thing about me these days. Unless you are a sick bastard and enjoy others' misery. To which I can only say that you should get a job with the Bush Administration posthaste. Major woodies and much lip smacking by the NeoCons over us staggering around under the punishing weight of gas prices and the record numbers of folks without medical care, retirement benefits, and clean air. Life is too f-ing jolly for the Flat Earthers and Greedyheads thanks to their boy, Dub.

Today was sorting the house. Tomorrow is money stuff. I owe JournalCon. I owe two charity things. And I do so want to make a bid on a few of Trance's pieces. I think I may have resolved my pushy-pushy with PayPal. The last of the faxes goes in the morning. We shall see.

Obligatory pimp for JournalCon! Listen up! I do not plan on shedding a single sad tear while I am in San Diego. I may laugh til I cry, but I am going and I am going to have a REALLY GOOD TIME!!!! In DC I was so staggered by feeling decently human for the first time in 3 years that serious partying wasn't a priority. Guess what, kids? This time I am going to drink immoderately, behave badly and sleep as little as possible. Some of my favorite folks have already signed up, but I want the rest of you to dig deep, cash in those miles, take a personal day and get your asses out west. The Sage is cutting wicked loose and you DO NOT want to miss it.

*One caveat: For all you DC panda humpers, you are NOT allowed to hump the pandas at the San Diego Zoo.

On another JournalCon tangent, what is the protocol for outfits? See, it will be late October. This means fall clothing. Now for Yankees like me fall clothing is heavy on dark jewel-toned sweaters, lined boots, and pea coats. Obviously this is inappropriate for balmy weather. But since it will be autumn, are summery clothes still okay? Like do you change over to autumn colors and styles in lightweight fabrics? Or do you just wear Hawaiian shirts and clam diggers year 'round? I'm serious here. I have no notions of 'going native', but I don't want to look like a touristy dork either.

You know what? Fuck it, a white blouse and jeans it is.

This is a fashion truism: When in doubt go with a white blouse and jeans. There are very few occasions where one cannot get away with a well-tailored white blouse and non-grungy jeans. The trick is to accessorize cleverly.

Tell us, oh Sage, how does one accessorize cleverly? We are lost in a sea of baubles, bangles, and footwear.

Okay, you wanna know? I'll tell you how…Fashion Basic 101:

Start with the white blouse. Cotton or cotton/blend. Pick one with a flattering button placement. This means the placket doesn't gape and the un-doing of one button takes you from modest to vavoomy. Try and get a blouse with some decent tailoring. No poofy sides. Make sure the hem tucks in all the way around. Always a collar. Cuffs on the sleeves too. No dashikis, please.

The jeans. These should fit. If you are uncomfortable with booty hugging jeans, fine. But hobo pants flatter no one. The obverse is true as well. No lopping over the waistband. No sucking in at the mirror and pretending you never breathe. Sigh and slouch. If you have dew-laps then the jeans are too small. Change up for the next larger size. There should be sufficient length on the legs to carry you through a couple different heel heights. In flats the jeans can break over your arch but not puddle up around your feet and drag behind. In heels the jeans MUST come past your ankle bone, preferably they should be long enough to brush your instep and go past your foot's heel in the back. Leg widths are up to you, but boot cuts are universally flattering.

Okay, we all clear on the basic set-up? Good.

Daytime: medium-to-wide leather belt. Texture and embossing are good. Sparkles and studs are not. Belt and shoes don't have to match, but the same color family is good. No brown belts with black shoes, etc.
Speaking of shoes, for daytime- flats, kitten heels with a closed toe, sneakers, hiking boots, loafers, just about anything goes as long as your shoes are more practical than 'Do me' pumps. Save the stilettos for after dark.
Purse: A shoulder purse, again in the same color family as your shoes and belt. If you're really casual a daypack is fine. Do not EVER wear a fanny pack. More people have been blinded in Orlando than any other place on Earth. It's because of those hideous fanny packs. Also do not EVER sling a fanny pack over your shoulder. Carry a real pack or a real purse.
Jewelry: How decorated you want to be is always a very personal choice. I know some women who feel sparkly with the addition of a single ring and others who jangle like wind chimes. I've cut back mightily in recent years, but I used to the most melodic of wind chimes. I will say that daytime is the right time for wearing some of your bulkier pieces, provided they aren't pave` diamond. Wood, leather, naturals like amber and bone, matte finished hammered stuff. Ditto color. Daytime is great for showing off colorful pieces. The exception is hair jewelry. Tiaras, rhinestone banana clips, and anything feathered are best saved for proms and royal weddings.

To sum up: Daytime is bold, ethnic, natural and textured.

Here we are. The sun has set and you in your white blouse and jeans want to paint the town. Unbutton that button, gloss your lips and do this:
Belt: trade in the chunky buccaneer strap and go with something skinnier. If you want to show off that trim waist or toned abs, think metallic. Go Satanic and wear the studs. Or go feme and flirty with a brightly patterned scarf instead of a leather belt. Coin belts are fun, if they ride properly between the belt loops.
Shoes: If you must, it's okay to wear those 'fuck me' shoes. See above for proper hem length. Even if you're not looking to get laid (or earn a quick $50), high heels and strappy sandals are terrific for clubbing. Sorry youngins, those bloated Herman Munster clodhoppers don't make you look waifish and anime, you only look foolish and clumsy. 'Lumbering' is not a sexy adjective and those 400lb Minnie Mouse-on-steroids shoes are just plain dumb. There has been much made of toe cleavage. Personally, toe cleavage squicks me out. But if you want to attract someone with a thing for feet, go right ahead. Just don't tell me about it in the morning. Eeeew.
Purse: Depending on the baggage you feel you must tote, nighttime is the right time for fun, fun bags. Clutches, witty prints, sequins, beading. Go for it. Set a Very Cute Purse on a bar and draw them in like moths to flames. Depending on how much action you're looking for the well-timed condom spill is more effective than taking off your top. Please remember even if you're hanging with your buddies and heading safely home to remove grocery receipts, Happy Meal toys and anti-bacterial lotion BEFORE you go out.
Jewelry: Get your glitter on. Fireflies have the right idea when it comes to strutting your stuff after dark. Sparkly is Good. Yes, even with jeans and a white blouse. Hell, especially with jeans and a white blouse.

Class dismissed. Go forth and accessorize.

Love, ~LA

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