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Because I can't bear to eulogize Doug - 2008-08-19
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11:17 p.m. - 2005-08-16
Tag, I'm It! Got whapped with the meme stick by Petrouchka. Don't know whether to thank or spank him. I shall ask Minarae his beauteous beloved which course of action I should follow. What was I doing 10 years ago? In the dim mists of time B.W. (before Wolf) I did arty fun stuff. I spent the summer of 1995 attending bi-weekly plays at The New Jersey Shakespeare Festival. Hey, the tix were usually comped. At the very least they were ¼ price. I had an in with the staff. A friend of mine ran the prop shop. That would have been my third summer shagging my butt down to Madison on pre-view night to see all those Good Works I'd so cleverly avoided during my years of formal education. I was startled to find out that I really LIKED Shakespeare. And Ibsen. And Shaw. Visiting the Drew University campus on those soft summer evenings was delicious. I don't remember it being arduously hot. The audience was always an eclectic bunch. There was something very nice about finding out I wasn't too dim to understand and enjoy the Classics. What was I doing 5 years ago? Wolf was a most Terrible Two!!!! His Terrible Twos lasted 3 years. Five years ago I was wiping up mess, after mess, after mess. I was shaking and exhausted all the time. I was lonely and sad even though my house was full. Along with my own kids there were imported kids of many kinds. Former exchange students Johan and Jan both were visiting and another kid, Milos the Horrible Serbian was about to make the scene. Trucker BIL and his wife made an extended visit that summer too. The risk you run when you have an 8 bedroom house. I tried gardening that year and was rewarded with derisive snickers from my menfolk and some sick looking weeds in the pathetic, gravel laden, undernourished 'flower beds' I'd excavated on either side of the front porch stairs. I'm happy to report my recently gained knowledge of green things and the necessity of actual organic matter being involved in a successful garden has helped my floral ambitions quite a bit since those sad, nettle days. Like so many others I was getting ready for JournalCon. Last summer I was all manner of crazy brave because I was free of the Lyme Disease. I had my face back (mostly) from the stupid Bell's Palsy. I'd really and truly stopped biting my nails. And I'd lost all that weight. Success fed on success and I was busting out all over. I'd even gone so far as to buy Cute Shoes. Though I felt very accomplished, I see now that a year ago I was on the launching pad. Last year I took care of the outside Me. This past year I lifted off and boldly went where no wimps had gone before. A harder journey than crossing the Plains in a covered wagon, and far more unknown and dangerous territory than Neil Armstrong's jaunt on the Moon. This year I'm exploring the inside Me and it's been fricken scary. What was I doing yesterday? Yesterday I had a good mad on at women who piss all over public toilets. For God's sake, if you're THAT worried about getting cooties on your cootch then go outside and pee in the bushes. It's obvious these women are neurotic pigs. They fear 'messy' bathrooms so much yet have no clue or care that THEY are the ones leaving the ladies room so nasty. Listen, if you're going to piss all over the seat of a public toilet because you are terrified you might 'catch' something at least wipe up your OWN goddamn mess. Urine is sterile, you know. Duh. Learn something about basic biology and anatomy. While you're at it, use some manners. Being considerate never gave anyone the Clap. Nelly lame-brained pigs. What am I doing today? Today I am comfort eating. Big time. Today's menu: A mushroom burger and fries. 3 glasses of Pepsi. 3 slices of DiGiorno pepperoni pizza. 4 tumblers of vodka and Hawaiian Punch. And at least ½ a pound of saltwater taffy. I am sloshing and gurgling and I cannot pry my teeth apart. Five snacks I enjoy: Fried egg sandwiches. I know this is technically a meal, not an official snack, but I love fried egg sandwiches. Five bands I like: Green Day Five things I would do with a million dollars: Fund a scholarship for the cosmically and NATURALLY well-endowed female. Scholarships are granted for weird shit like being a deaf orphan and oddballs who want to major in bat guano, why not a scholarship for having big tits? Book a really luxe around-the-world cruise. I'd buy proper evening clothes and 'resort wear' and pack it in enormous steamer trunks. Then I'd hire a no nonsense tutor/governess for Wolf and a ladies maid for me and off we'd go. Take my boy to see the world and have high tea every day. I'd buy the old house and turn it into a Bed and Breakfast for book junkies. Books, books and more books. Lots of squashy chairs with good reading lights on little tables next to them. I'd host author readings and discussion groups. Specialty weekends for mystery lovers and such. I'd offer the neighbors twice market price for their house, then knock it down and plant an orchard on their (my) property. Hire a life coach who'd guide me through an intense work-out schedule and foreign language lessons. Then I'd move to Prague and spend the rest of the dough on being Eurotrash. Wearing a lot of Prada and hanging out in hot clubs, brothels, and drugged out private parties. Five locations I would like to run away to: Seaside Heights, NJ Five bad habits: PMS shopping Five things I like doing: Polishing copper bottomed pots. (Really!) Five TV shows I like: (this is hard!) Jeopardy Five famous people I would like to meet: Stephen King Biggest joys in my life at the moment: Sorry, kids. There is no joy in Mudville right now. Five favorite toys: The Sims Five people to tag: Dichroic Good night, ~LA
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