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My Profile
Retro-retrospection - 2008-10-06
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9:56 p.m. - 2005-05-27
1. What does your name mean? Phenomenal cosmic power! Itty-bitty living space. No, wait. That's somebody else. I guess the most common association with my name is 'Los Angeles'. I have yet to introduce myself to anyone who didn't immediately ask what 'L.A.' stood for. Irks me to no end. If I wanted to go by my given name I would. If someone says his name is Joe I don't immediately demand to know whether Joe is short for Joseph. Ditto any kind of nickname. Spike, Guy, Buddy, whatever. If that's the name you give me then I'll use it and assume you prefer it to whatever your 'real' name is and won't badger you until you confess that your given name is Abelard. 2. What is your biggest goal for this year? To not throttle people who ask what my initials stand for. Actually I am goal-less right now. Something I realized today and am mulling the implications of this. Am I finally allowing my life to happen or am I just devolving into so much respiring meat? 3. In what ways do you relax and de-stress when you are really stressed? Relaxing and de-stressing are two separate entities. To de-stress I throw myself into a frantic burst of physical activity. Usually house cleaning, though marathons of masturbation are not uncommon. To relax I play the Sims or solitaire. 4. Have you ever lost someone without having the chance to say goodbye? I never lose anyone. All my friends and relatives have been implanted with Lo-Jack chips. If I need someone I find them on the GPS. 5. Have you ever spoken to a homeless person? Sure. Usually I'm being panhandled, but there've been a few times I've had interesting conversations with street people. 6. You have to choose. Would you be happier marrying someone rich for their money or living in the streets and subway tunnels with someone you love? I cannot imagine falling in love with someone who actually wanted to live in the subway. Yet the amount of money someone had was never a factor in the relationship equation either. Much to my mother's dismay. 8. What's the best sounding accent a person can have? This is a toughie. There's no one accent which will make my knees quiver. I'm partial to Italian accents, but mostly because I associate Italian accents with doe eyed sexy soccer players. 9. What is the worst pick up line ever used on you? "Nice tits. Let's go fuck." Believe it or not I've been hit with this one more than a couple dozen times. As I've said before, I'm not the sort who inspires sonnets or otherwise drives men to woo and impress me. 10. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream? Why is this always on surveys? Is there some kind of hidden meaning in ice cream preferences? Chunky Monkey fans are mama's boys? Mint chocolate chippers are saintly philanthropists? Butter pecan types are psycho killers? For the record my choice is B&J's Cherry Garcia. Perhaps this means I'm a tie-dye fetishist. 11. Has a smile ever made all the difference in the world to you? I tend to get anxious when people don't smile, so I usually present a smiling face to the world and toss out an amusing quip when confronted with a less than beaming countenance. This is purely a defensive safety mechanism, goodness knows I'm no Pollyanna out to make the world a sunshiny happy place. 12. Do you have any interesting scars? Well certainly the stories attached to some of my scars are interesting, but I have no mystical Harry Potter things going on. Probably the oddest scar story is how every woman in my immediate family has a very obvious scar on her right shin. We all got them inside a couple years of each other. Car accident, shaving disaster, bicycle tumble, a fall off a horse, and for me a slip while running with wet feet that whammed my leg into an exposed end of a baseboard. Took a chunk of meat out. These days the scar looks like someone pressed a car cigarette lighter to my lower leg. 13. Do you have any autographs? I have a few signed copies of books and Jones sent me an autographed copy of one of Ellen Goodman's columns. 14. What was the best year of your life so far? Don't know if I have a best year. I have best seasons. Best summer was 1977, the year I was 14. The winter I turned 31 was pretty amazing. There've been several spectacular autumns. Spring is still up for grabs, though. 15. What do you go by when it comes to friendship? That's kind of vague. How do I define friendship? How do I rate what kind of friend I am? What do I consider to be friendship qualities in others? How do I decide if someone IS my friend? Sheesh. I'll cut to the chase and say that if you're happy to hear from me then I'd consider you a friend. 16. What was your favorite fortune from a fortune cookie? 'Your words have resonance and inspire others.' Is that cool or what? 17. Are you listening to music right now? Nope. Can't have any background distractions when I write. However I bought a swing band collection the other day and have been jamming out with Benny Goodman, Gene Krupa and Artie Shaw while I do anything else except write. 18. What was the last thing you drank? A rapidly going flat mostly melted ice water coke from the movie theater. Mike and I took Wolf to see Madagascar this afternoon. The movie was hilarious, btw. 19. If you could choose one place in the world to go where would it be? I'd like to go to Stephen King's house and discuss writing. 20. What was the last song you got stuck in your head? I Like To Move It - Sacha Baron Cohen 21. Do you act stupid around someone you have romantic feelings for? Ohmygod! I am such a dork around crushes! I have never learned the art of subtlety and mystery. I wear my heart on my sleeve, my face, and my foot- which is usually lodged in my mouth. I have zero cool around someone I'm attracted to. 22. Do you like your smile? It's effective, I'll grant you that. It's rare that any request, no matter how outrageous, is refused me when I smile. 23. What’s the first thing you notice about members of the opposite sex? The first thing I notice with my eyes is hair. But some years ago I realized I do a psychic check first. I'm checking for danger. I assess how much menace is there before I make any kind of eye contact. More defense mechanisms. Tell you one spooky thing that happened when I had my bookstore. Three guys came in toward closing time and I sent out the usual probe. Two of the guys registered as harmless, but the third guy wasn't there. Not at all. When I looked up the guy was staring at me. He was both pissed and amused. Scared me half to death. Not only because he was warded so well, but that he knew what I'd been doing. The whole thing went down without a single word spoken. The guy's friends didn't notice a thing. You have no idea how freaky it is to be able to see someone physically and get absolutely nothing of his aura and energy. All living things make psychic noise of some kind and this guy was totally silent. 24. What was the last concert you went to? Wolf's winter concert. All the classic holiday standards had been bastardized into politically correct horrors. Mike and I writhed with disgust. Can you imagine how sick Have Yourself A Merry Little Winter sounds? Or carols that have slaughtered rhyme and meter to go "We wish you a Merry ChristmasKwanzaaHanukah"??? It was appalling. People need to get a grip and some perspective. This p.c. crap has gone waaaaaaaaaay too far. 25. End this survey with a quote: 'Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.'- Mae West Thanks, Lana. ~LA
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