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My Profile
Fairytales for a Practical Princess - 2008-11-30
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5:41 p.m. - 2004-06-29
There were angels once and they were named Vicodin. Oh man, I don’t care if I get a monkey on my back the size of Mighty Joe Young. To be sitting upright and using both eyes is such a relief. The Vicodin hasn’t cut it all, but it’s helping and I’m grateful. I’m grateful for marvelous friends too. Maybe how to ask for help is the so-far elusive lesson of this life. It’s nearly impossible for me. It felt surprisingly good to ask for your help. Made me happy that I had this wonderful group of people I could rely on. I do need to plump up my circle in my physical space. As my friend Tsuki pointed out, if for no other reason than I need more women who can come over, fix me up with a tray, keep the kids busy, and glare at Mike. In here, in my magic box, my life is very rich indeed. I was such a solitary little oyster. Oh I had a busy social life before the Internet, but it was lightweight. All skittles and beer and no tears and confidences. I talked all day, but I never really talked to anyone, you know? Took me a while to decide and I backtracked a lot, but I started talking to you. All of you. When I put myself out far enough the other day to ask for your help I realized I do have faith. My faith in people isn’t dead. I needed to know that. So thank you for that as well. This crusty cynic was beginning to wilt under the sourness of it all. When I read how Sirius stayed sane in Azkaban, he had no happiness or hope to lose thus the dementors couldn’t make him worse, I nodded and thought the dementors probably couldn’t do much of a job on me either. Yeesh. By giving you my trust I understood I wasn’t a total hopeless case and perhaps there’s some of my old self left. That daffy girl who wore tinkly jewelry and played kissing games at parties because kissing is fun. The Anne Frank part of me, the Life is Good part had been missing so long I thought it was gone forever. It’s a dreary slog, a life with no faith. And you, my friends, have helped me find my faith again. Thank you. I’m desperately trying not to go sideways into wisecracks and foolishness. I’m always aware of how easy it is for honest to devolve into smarmy. I need to go lie down again too. So I’ll close now. I just wanted you to know. ~LA
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