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Because I can't bear to eulogize Doug - 2008-08-19
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1:33 p.m. - 2004-06-18
The Hummingbird Feeder Incident Whoo! Progress! Real progress! Mike and I negotiated over where to hang the humming bird feeder! Might not sound earthshaking, but it is. Here’s how it would normally go: Me: Wow. Look! Hummingbirds! Him: Missed ‘em. Guess we should hang the hummingbird feeder. Do you have red food coloring? Me: Yup. And I know just where the feeder should go. (pointing) Right there on the garage wall between the window and the hose reel. I have that curved iron hook we didn’t use out front, it’ll be perfect. Him: I could hang it on this wall. (knocks knuckles on slim bit of wall between my office windows) Me: No, thanks. The garage wall is fine. Now this is where it usually went south. Mike would sulk that his suggestion had been rejected. See, he was trying to help. He was going to ‘spare’ me the 15 foot walk up the yard to fill the feeder. (Whether I wanted to be spared or not.) I would get mad. How could he sulk? Especially as hanging the feeder where he suggested would be a far bigger pain than going up the hill. Couldn’t he SEE that? Yeesh. Fights would start. Doors would be slammed. Huffiness all around for the rest of the day. But this morning it went like this: Him: Why up there? (said nicely, no hint of sulk or nastiness) Me: I can see it better up there. Hang it between the windows and I can’t see it or the birds. Plus, I’d have to climb up on the church pew to fill it. AND the cats would use the pew as a stake-out and chomp on our feathered guests. Not good. Him: Oh. Right. Good thinking, hon. I have a smaller angled hook I’d like you to look at. I think the curved one would stick out too far. Me: Cool. A smaller one will probably work better. Don’t want anyone whacking their heads. Thanks, Sweetie. Exchange of kisses. That’s all it took. All he had to do was not go all stiff and hurtsy. He listened politely. In exchange I didn’t roll my eyes while I explained my thinking or stubbornly insist on the curved hook just because. We’d fallen into terrible habits. Both of us touchy and turfy. Too much past history. Far too many snipes and never enough patience. A well-worn rut of mis-communication. Mike stepped out of the rut. He opened his ears and listened. It was so simple. So easy. I didn’t step all over him either. Getting mine in while I could. No last word. No grudging. He tried hard and was nice. I responded in kind. Even if we don’t get a single hummingbird, that feeder will make me happy. Every time I look out the window I’ll be able to see where The Good Stuff Started. Humming happily, ~LA
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