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My Profile
Fairytales for a Practical Princess - 2008-11-30
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10:40 a.m. - 2004-06-12
YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I did it! I did it! I did it! I left my house under my own steam! Lord a’ mercy, I DROVE!!!! Okay, it was an 9 mile roundtrip to the cable co and Wal-mart. Merriweather Lewis I’m not. I was scared spitless the whole way, too. See, I mostly don’t drive out of concern for other people. My wonky vision and uncooperative limbs keep me home even when I’ve the energy to go somewhere. I’m not too worried about my personal safety nor do I worry overmuch about putting another ding in my beat-to-hell Bronco, but the idea I might cause an accident in which other people get hurt scares me to death. Apparently I am the ONLY person to have any concern for the other folks on the road, though. Nobody uses their turn signals anymore. People take Right on Red as some kind of divine directive and make their turns without even pausing to see if the way is clear. They blow through stop signs. Careen wildly down our narrow country roads at speeds above 80mph. Rudeness and selfishness is a way of life around here now. Anyhow, my eyeballs were pointing in the same direction yesterday. I did the same tests cops do when they pull over a drunk. I walked a straight line heel-to-toe. Touched my nose with my eyes closed. I was about as coordinated as I get these days. Just to be extra sure my desire to get on the road was not overwhelming my judgment, I took a tootle around the block. Clean and green. Heart thumping with an uneasy mixture of nervousness and excitement I pointed the Bronco toward Malltown. You’d think I was a brand new driver the way my stomach was all fluttery. Never know I’ve made the roundtrip between NY and Texas half a dozen times. Solo, no less. Never know I’ve pegged the speedometer on the hotrod and smoked the quarter mile at Englishtown. For Pete’s sake I piloted the Little Green Bus over the Continental Divide! And here I was breaking out the party hats because I drove to Wal-Mart. I sound grumpy, I’m not. Too grateful to be grumpy. The irony of it all just gets me, you know? Did my biz at the cable co. Thought about going straight home (didn’t want to push my luck) then said the hell with it and made the right toward Wal-mart instead of the left toward home. While waiting at a light I saw a young sailor in a yellow jeep. He was wearing his Cracker Jack whites and his Dixie cup hat. I waved and he blew me a kiss. In the parking lot I saw a mom and a grandmother unloading a set of quadruplets. The babies were about 18 months old, alike as peas in a pod and adorable. Inside the store I saw a teenage boy sullenly clumping along in his mother’s wake. The boy was wearing a funky hat like the Jackson 5 used to wear and humongus mutant saddle shoes. Saddle shoes? Turned a corner and caught a well-dressed 50-ish matron surreptitiously picking her nose. I bough a whole bunch of stuff and all of it except new sandals for my guys was for ME! Flowers for my garden. More of those sexy underpants. A new housecoat (totally not sexy, but desperately needed). A new boombox (also desperately needed, the reader lens on my old one died). 5 pairs of those flirty yoga shorts. A card of hoop earrings in graduated sizes. And…(you are soooo not going to believe this)…a two piece bathing suit. A two piece! It’s not even a tankini. Boy leg bottom and a halter bra top. Black with a wild jungle print. I haven’t worn a two piece since high school. Doubt I’ll have the chops to wear it at the pool party next week, but in the privacy of my bathroom I had to admit it didn’t look too bad. Mike is going to plotz. I am happy. Happy. Happy. So very very HAPPY!!!!! Demented with glee, ~LA
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