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My Profile
Retro-retrospection - 2008-10-06
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11:27 p.m. - 2003-07-17
I got my deep conversation (sort of). Zee and I scheduled a lunch date a couple weeks ago and today was the big day. Mike dropped me off at the salon. Zee would drive from there and drop me at the house afterward. (That's something I'll miss when we move to the new house. Right now I'm less than 5 minutes away. The drive to the new place will be almost 20.) I was a bit early and hung with a couple other stylists while Zee finished waxing some guy's back. (I know! Back waxing? UGH! When Mike's pelt first came in I was kind of skeezed out, but now I don't even see it anymore. Besides, who'd notice some back hair when it's mostly covered up by the waist length hair growing from his head?) But I digress. So Zee and I took off for lunch. We debated where to go. I wanted Chinese and she wanted to go someplace she could have a glass of wine. We got goofy and decided the perfect spot would be this low-life tacky Hawaiian/Chinese place called the Tiki Torch Lounge. The Tiki Torch has been on the strip in Mudgeville since before I was born. Yet somehow I’d escaped ever going there. Zee said it’s a real hot spot on the weekends, the management is pretty lax about checking ID and the place overflows with underage drinkers. But Thursday lunch would be quiet enough. In fact she assured me the place would be a tomb and we could yap all we wanted without being hustled by the staff. Fine with me. We pull into the parking lot and make our way inside, passing through an archway guarded by gigantic Polynesian totem poles. Gigantic PLASTIC Polynesian totem poles which generations of smokers had stubbed their butts out on so the grimacing totem faces are pockmarked with small round burns that look like ebony freckles. The lip on the doorframe is raised just high enough to trip on and we stumble into the pitch black foyer like we’re already snockered. I snatch my sunglasses off in a big hurry and when my eyes finally dilate enough to see in the gloom I was dead on with a larger than life fiberglass hula girl with a pair of the biggest coconuts I’d ever seen. Right then I knew it was going to be one of those screwball Twilight Zone lunches. Zee and I always have a great time when we go out, but every once in a while we are divinely inspired into taking these side trips into Upper Weirdsville and have a blast. Like this one time we HAD to stop at this seafood shack. The sign by the road said: Come in and get crabs. The Tiki was making us giggle and we hadn’t even been seated yet. What really got us going was a notice hung above the pick-up counter which read: Free lei with any order over $30.00. Yup, it was our kind of place. The dining room was almost as dim as the foyer and the reason was obvious, I don’t believe the Tiki has ever been redecorated. Ever. They don’t even change the light bulbs when they burn out. The pattern on the wallpaper was barely discernable through decades of grease. The ceilings were scorched from innumerable Puu-Puu platters and flaming Zombies. Even our waiter looked like he’d been there from the day the place opened. He was wearing a threadbare waiter’s jacket, a decrepit yellowed tuxedo shirt, and he had 4 teeth. He was unbelievable. Yes, we were crazy enough to order food. Why? Well because ordering food gave some legitimacy to our other order, a punchbowl sized Scorpion with two straws. As you might have guessed, the food was inedible. I took two bites of my beef with broccoli and pushed it aside. The meat was grey, the broccoli was fresh enough but the whole dish has been doused with about a pint of what could only be turkey gravy from a can. Zee’s chop suey wasn’t any better. We thought about making a stink, but were halfway through our first Scorpion and were laughing too hard to sound righteously angry. Anyhow, in a place like this we knew better than to expect delicately prepared cuisine. We were just relieved we hadn’t found any recognizable animal parts. I think I’ve said before that Zee is my bawdiest friend. We DO talk about serious stuff sometimes, but we both have more than enough people in our lives to talk about our serious things with. We are each other’s bustin’ loose buddy. We indulge in bitchy dishes about nearly everyone. Tell war stories from our misspent youth. We rock with raucous laughter from saying aloud the things we’d never say aloud in front of anyone else. A pressure vent for two chicks who may be middle-aged moms on the outside, but inside we are still stoned and horny 18 year olds looking for a good time. Since I have no tolerance for alcohol, I got whacked pretty quickly. Seriously stung by that Scorpion. My whole face went numb about 3 sips in, and that was just the start. Whoo wheee! Zee and I churned our way through 2 of those lethal things. But damn! We had a great time doing it. We talked and laughed and laughed and talked for almost 2 hours solid. About nothing in particular, really. Sillies and innuendos and a whole lotta nonsense. When she poured me onto the driveway here at the house I felt something I hadn’t felt in quite some time. I felt free. Feather light. Young. For one afternoon I wasn’t fretting about the kids. I wasn’t all twisted up about bills and deadlines and what I hadn’t accomplished and what needed my immediate attention. I was unburdened by politics and causes and the news. My panties weren’t in a bunch about the latest Bush outrage and my heart wasn’t breaking over the damage he’s already done. I’d been cut loose from all of it for a little while. And it was wonderful. Thanks Zee. ~LA LA’s Pick of the Day: “I’m Free” by The Who
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