|
My Profile
Retro-retrospection - 2008-10-06
|
2:47 p.m. - 2003-06-10
The following is an excerpt from a letter I wrote to a friend earlier this week. She’s been concerned for me. The bouncy happy LA she knows is disappearing. What was going on with me that I, who used to take joy from a sunny day or a good cup of cocoa, was shriveling up? A muted thread of pain is running through my words and it’s disturbing her. ‘Yes, there is a constant sorrow. The world seems an ugly place now. Not just the vast and pervasive evil emanating from Washington (though it is the most frightening, simply from its potential to do the most harm), but everything is nasty. I feel like I'm barely keeping my head above the sewage. Selfishness slams me down on a daily basis. My home is being overrun with greedy developers. Developers in for the quick buck and to hell with our way of life here in the sticks. The pastures and corn fields are gone. Covered with horrible McMansions. Roads I used to ride my bike on are lethal. Too much traffic. Aggressive and heedless drivers all speeding and running stop signs. Deliberately blocking side streets at lights so those wanting to turn have to wait and wait and wait. Hardly anyone uses their turn signals or follows the rules of the road. Like these arrogant drivers are far too important to be courteous. My children are prisoners and have never known the freedom and fun of tooling around on a bicycle on a summer's day. It's far too dangerous to allow them to ride on these narrow country roads which are now clogged with Lexus SUVs and their drivers with a cell in one hand and a latte in the other. The grocery store is a hell. Rude and lazy clerks. As the newcomers drive their gaudy cars, so too do they drive their shopping carts. A busy day at the Shoprite and I'm likely to leave the store in tears from being repeatedly banged into without it being acknowledged, let alone apologized for. The "ME FIRST" mentality is everywhere. Foul mouthed children. The graffiti. The puerile sense of entitlement from teens, and from their parents who justify their wretched child's behavior without ever taking responsibility for it or their children. The wanton pollution of our soil, water, and air. Streams I used to wade in are now conduits of waste, filled with old tires, and lawn chemicals. And no one at the local government level does anything. Too busy enjoying their bribes and kickbacks from the developers and scuzzy unregulated manufacturers. I've stopped watching TV. It's far too rare for there to be anything of value to watch. "Reality" shows are degrading exercises in humiliation and disgust. Sitcoms where 6 year olds mouth innuendos that would make a sailor blush. The slanted and canted news shows which devote more air time to sensationalism and gossip than honest news. A famine in Africa? 10 seconds. Madonna's new baby? 4 minutes. Even magazines have stooped to the repulsive lowest common denominator and mags like "Glamour" which used to cover politics and broader women's issues like health and education as well as fashion and frippery, are entirely devoted to "articles" on the 10 best blow-job techniques. Everyone is so busy being a "victim" and getting up specious lawsuits. Personal responsibility is at an all time low. Social conscience is even lower. 'Love thy neighbor' and 'Do unto others' are foreign concepts to some and a joke to others. Healthcare is a nightmare. HMOs have people by the short hairs and people are DYING because they cannot get approved for drugs and treatments which will save their lives. Nor can they afford to pay for them on their own. Drug companies have abandoned research on cures and have devoted all of their R&D to finding the next Viagra or Botox. The world is all about 'Show me the money.' How can I not be in pain? How can my heart not break when everything I believe in and treasure is ground under the collective heel of greed, know-nothingness, and finger pointing? When those who are supposed to lead us and have our welfare be their primary task instead wallow in hatred, bigotry, hypocrisy, and personal gain? I know it is cowardly, and if not actively contributing to the problem, it is letting ugliness win by default, but all I want to do is pull the covers over my head and refuse to look and listen anymore. The situation seems so hopeless and I have nary a clue where to start to make even the tiniest change for the better. At best all I can do is hold myself true to my ideals and teach my sons my beliefs so my boys are not lost in the ever rising filth and sickening behavior which surrounds us. I no longer believe in the pony being in that barn full of manure somewhere. I have indeed lost hope. Whether it is temporary or whether this loss of faith is how it will go with me forever is unknown. Right now though, that's the way it is. I am sorry if you are disappointed with me. It's shaming to admit to my frustration and despair, yet I must be truthful.’ ~LA
|
