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My Profile
Fairytales for a Practical Princess - 2008-11-30
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7:03 p.m. - 2003-05-20
Okay, y'all knew it was coming. I'm officially announcing that I've gone off the deep end. Looney Tunes. My trolley has jumped its track. And you know what? It feels GREAT!!!! What prompted this latest and greatest burst of madness and euphoria was visiting Fandango’s web site last night to get the show times for “Matrix 2” for Alex and Mike. (Alex got back from Florida in the wee sma’s Monday. He ditched school to work for Mike and the two came home in a really pally mood, hence the Monday night movie date.) Up popped the menu from our local multi-plex and big surprise, “Matrix” was showing on NINE screens, starting every half hour. It’s a 17 house theater so there were actually other movies available and I just about bust a gut when I saw “Bend It Like Beckham” was playing! I have been waiting for this movie to open in the States for almost a year now. I didn’t even allow myself to hope that it would play at our local multi-plex. Our Loews devotes itself wholeheartedly to the teen crowd. If a movie doesn’t have bare breasts, fart jokes, a rap soundtrack, and at least 3 explosions chances are it won’t make the cut. But obviously there was some slip-up and “Beckham” squeaked in, much to my delight. Not only was it playing, but there was a daily 12:40 matinee! Martyr Mom has left the building. I hied myself off to the mall just after noon today and upon my arrival brazenly bought a ticket at the box office. When the huge Bad Mommy pit didn’t open at my feet and it looked like I’d actually get away with this heresy, I sauntered over to the concession stand and bought a popcorn and a CHERRY Coke! I grinned furtively when lightning didn’t strike me over this bit of defiance either. See, Mike hates Cherry Coke and when we go to the show together we always get regular Coke because we share. But this was a soda of my very own and nobody would be the wiser. Me and my illicit Cherry Coke and a whole bag of popcorn JUST FOR ME bopped downstairs and found a seat in the nearly empty auditorium. There was a couple there ahead of me and sometime during the previews another couple came in, and that was it. 5 people in a house which seats around 200 and none of the other 4 people seemed inclined to yammer through the entire movie. Sheer and total bliss. I hate movie talkers almost as much as I hate John Ashcroft and many, many, many a movie has been spoiled for me by ignorant rude shitheads who refuse to keep their yaps shut. The movie was just as good as I’d heard it was. Two hours of cinematic heaven. LA the Critic gives “Bend It Like Beckham” 4 stars out of five. When the movie was over I was still in Mom On The Run mode and called the house. Alex picked up and I breezily told him he was on Wolf duty and I’d be back whenever, I had some shopping to do. Kids taken care of, I waltzed down to Lane Bryant with the simple plan of buying a new belt. That’s it. I swear! All I wanted was a belt! A plain brown belt. But the Gods Who Are Kind To Runaway Mothers had a different plan for me. A good third of the store’s inventory was clearanced and today was the start of a 50% off the lowest marked price sale. I almost fainted. I’m talking about blouses for $3.75 a piece. Racks of them! More racks of summer sweaters for $4.00. $5.00 jeans. I wiped the drool off my chin and started in. $123.60 later I left with bulging shopping bags hanging from both hands almost pulling my arms from the sockets. The Clearance Rack Queen does it again. I won’t bore you with the entire list, but I have to share this: I bought 2 pairs of bell bottoms. Hip hugger bell bottoms. These days they are touted as low-rise flares, semantics be damned, these jeans are replicas of the jeans we wore in 1973. Of course the two pair I bought today are considerably larger than those I wore back in the day, but no normal 40 year old woman has the same size ass she did when she was 10. And if she does either she was a whopper of a fourth grader or she needs to check into an eating disorder clinic immediately. I had a grief stricken moment when I saw how big my gut is getting. I’ve got to start working on my abs before I end up kicking my pendulous pot belly along in front of me when I walk. Two things that always grossed me out about fat people when I was thin were flobby double chins and droopy poochy stomachs. And now I’ve got them both. Disgust-o. Nothing was keeping me down for long though. I nodded at my reflection in a rueful sort of way and went back to trying stuff on. Lumps, bumps, droops, sags... who cares? (Well I do, but it wasn’t like they had a liposuction kiosk next to the lingerie dept and I could do something about my bulginess on the spot.) Even in my feeding frenzy in the clearance section I remembered my original mission... And got a nice brown belt. I had a wonderful day. ~LA In honor of my bell bottoms, Today’s Pick: “Reeling in the Years” by Steely Dan
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