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Because I can't bear to eulogize Doug - 2008-08-19
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8:52 a.m. - 2003-05-08
Today is going to be Mom Central. A real hardcore momming day. (Funny, when I said hardcore I heard that Marine getting psyched noise in my head. "Hoo HAH!" Now THERE'S an image, eh? A bunch of classroom volunteer moms in a huddle doing that bent knee, fist thrusting move. "Who's the baddest of the Moms?" "WE ARE!! HOO HAH!") I'm trying to shake off this horrible jaundiced misanthropic mood. I think of Anne Frank and her assertion that people are good. That under it all, people are good. If a 14 year old on her way to a death camp can believe, than so can I. It's just difficult right now. The world has turned an ugly face toward me and mine recently and it's put a pall on my faith. Along with the shit heels in Washington and the dead beat clients and the unknown asshole who came by and crammed our dumpster full of his garbage, we've been betrayed by someone we tried to help. Not only betrayed, but taken for a ride. It made me angry, but it crushed Mike. This made me a thousand times angrier. Fuck me over if you must, but DO NOT fuck with my family. Anyway, back to Mom Day. This morning Wolf and I have an appointment with the head honcho of the facility where Wolf will go to summer school. I loathe these evals. It seems like the "professionals" go out of their way to be obtuse. They are determined to hammer my square peg son into their round holes so Wolf will fit into the definition they've chosen for him. Also there are the digs that I am at fault. When in doubt, blame the mother. I've become wary and overly defensive. This does no one any good, especially Wolf. I cannot be an effective advocate for my son if I am baring my teeth and visibly restraining myself from leaping across the desk and ripping their heads from their necks. It's just that these child psychologists and behavioral "experts" and special ed quacks don't LISTEN. They go off on stupid tangents and miss what's right in front of them. And when I try and bring them back to point, they smirk and spout a lot of twaddle and tell me that after a 2 minute "interview" they know more about my kid than I do. And they act like they have some in on the case studies, research, and such. It snaps their heads right around when I can quote statistics, cite findings, and interpret the various methodologies and definitions better than they can. I am not a schmuck. Do me and my kid the courtesy of listening and understanding before you start making pronouncements and decisions which will determine my son's future. See? I'm uptight already. Breathe LA, breathe. Then after dropping Wolf at school, I tootle down the road to the high school where I am overseeing the Variety Show auditions. I will abstain from voting on Alex's act, but as the parent mentor it's my job to help Mr. T the drama teacher to sift and sort so the Variety Show has a well balanced slate of performers. I love all the kids, they try so hard. But Show Business is tough and it's only a 2.5 hour program. After auditions, race home to meet Wolf's bus. Go back to the high school at 4:30 to pick Alex up after his jazz ensemble rehearsal. Stop and pick up Alex's tux from the dry cleaners. Debate the merits of pizza versus Chinese. Order and drag home the winner. Eat. Get Wolf washed and dressed in HIS show clothes. Go back to the high school for the THIRD time. This time for Wolf's show. The entire kindergarten is putting on a show. They've been practicing all year. A medley of Disney tunes and synchronized dance steps. Wolf has been singing “Chim Chimery” and “Zippity Doo Dah” and “Bibbity Bobbety Boo” for months. At first I didn’t know about the show and was startled when Wolf began spouting tunes from movies he’d never seen. I know he’s got an audiographic memory, but knowing songs he’s never even heard? That would be weirder than weird. So tonight we will be serenaded by 140 or so munchkins wearing Disney t-shirts and crepe paper hats. There will be much jockeying for position amongst the parents with video cameras. A traffic jam of strollers. Fidgety siblings. Deaf grandparents. Flustered teachers. And from first note to final bow I will snivel the whole time because it’s just too sweet and cute. Got half a box of Kleenex in my purse already so I’m loaded for bear. Who’s a badass mom? I AM! HOO HAH! ~LA LA’s Evil Pick of the Day: “It’s A Small World After All” by some fiend at Disney (G’wan! Get THAT one unstuck from your head! Mwhahahaha!)
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