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My Profile
Retro-retrospection - 2008-10-06
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11:04 a.m. - 2003-04-27
I have a HORRIBLE headache right now. One of those headaches where it hurts to move my eyes and even my teeth ache. I'm guessing it must be some kind of sinus thing. It FEELS like a hangover headache, but the last time I had anything with alcohol was Christmas. So I'm pretty sure I don't have a hangover. Speaking of alcohol, Mike has started having the occasional beer. Like half a Corona while he watches WWII in the evening. This weirding me out. I don't mind drinks when there's a celebration, but to drink on a regular day smacks of alcoholism and I hate it. Stupid, I know. A single Corona nursed until it's too flat and warm to finish does not make Mike a lush. But alcohol has totally negative associations for me and I have no baseline "normal" when it comes to booze. I am not a drunk, but considering my family history, it's almost a given that I would be. Would be if I allowed myself to drink more than the Christmas glass of wine or champagne at a wedding, that is. I realized that I have surrounded myself with "dry" folk too. Friendships with those who make drink part of any and every get-together have been allowed to lapse. No big confrontation, "It's me or the beer!", but a slow falling off until the boozy people stop calling. The friends I've kept are those who don't drink for one reason or another. Not their style, recovering 12 steppers, whatever. The parties and BBQs and dinners out revolve around food, kids, and good talk, not getting shitfaced and stupid. And truly it makes me wince when I read the Sunday and Monday entries of many diarists. Gleeful, occasionally rueful recaps of drunken Saturday nights and much moaning about fat heads and strangers in beds. I read and think, "Why? Why in God's name would you do that to yourself? Especially on a regular basis! Didn't you learn anything from last time? Aren’t you terrified you might be an alcoholic?" I'm not really a judgmental prig. It's just that booze almost destroyed me. Not even my own drinking, it was my mother's and those she hung out with. The horrendous mess of my growing up years left me with big achy scars and I know I will never be comfortable around booze. I did my share of drinking in high school and college, but once I became a mom the alarms went off. "Warning! Warning! Alcohol and children do not mix! You will NOT subject your children to what you went through!" So I put down the shot glass and backed away from booze altogether. And now I'm trying to quit smoking. God, I hope I don't turn into a sanctimonious asshole. Ms Holier-than-thou smirking and pontificating about the evils of liquor and tobacco. I HATE those people. I vow right now that should I EVER start lecturing and holding myself up as some kind of saint that I will march into the nearest gin mill, order a Long Island Iced Tea or some other lethal concoction, cadge a smoke from one of the bar hounds (even if it’s menthol) and remind myself that I am a sinner. Better a sinner than a hypocrite. ~LA
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