|
My Profile
Fairytales for a Practical Princess - 2008-11-30
|
8:44 p.m. - 2003-04-18
Yeah so, about the birds. Damn, this was funnier this morning. Something about a VERY futile doctor's visit, a chest x-ray, an ECG, being tapped for 4 gallons of blood, and shelling out almost $150 for meds between then and now just kind of rubbed the shine off the bird thing. Anyhow, rather early this morning I was here at the computer and a bird flew up the stairwell and started swooping around the upstairs hall. The "hall" is not the usual narrow passage, it's a big open space with a gallery. The hall narrows as it goes toward the back part of the house and runs along the top of the stairwell, but the main part is bigger than most rooms in regular houses. The 9x12 Persian has a pretty good margin of wood floor around it. (I'm not bragging, the large space actually factors in here.) The bird was squawking, scrabbling for perches, and whamming into the walls as it tried to find its way out. Mike heard the racket and came out of the bedroom to investigate. Instantly in Crocodile Hunter mode, he began trying to toss a shirt over the bird as it swooped around. He kept missing and the bird was getting more and more frantic. The chase went on for some time. Then when Mike finally got the bird trapped here in my office ANOTHER bird flew upstairs! Mike was so startled he let the first bird go. Now we had TWO birds doing their kamikaze thing. I was laughing. Mike was muttering. And when one of the birds swooped into Alex’s room, dive bombing my mostly asleep kid, Alex let out a bellow and came pounding out of his room in just his boxers yelling something about terrorists. Alex is REALLY modest. This was the first time I’d seen my kid in his drawers since he was about 8. Alex blushed, dove back into his room, and shouted, “Jesus! There’s a huge bird in here!” He snatched up a pair of pants, ran back out of his room with the pants wrapped around his waist and booked it for the bathroom. Mike got tired of trying to catch the birds with a shirt and announced he was getting his net and would be right back. I sputtered, “You have a BIRD NET??” Mike turned at the top of the stairs, winked, and said, “That’s right, Baby. You’re married to an Eagle Scout and we are ALWAYS prepared!” I called after him, “Oh yeah? Then how come both our kids were accidents?” So Mike the Mighty Ornithologist netted the birds one at a time and set them free outside. Alex emerged from the can wearing his pants. And I started the day with a laugh. That’s the bird story. As to how our feathered friends got in in the first place? They fly down the chimneys. At least twice a year, especially during mating season we get birds in the house. Occasionally we also get bats. I don’t remember the specifics of the bat captures, but no doubt Mike the Eagle Scout has a BAT net too. The doctor’s visit wasn’t any fun at all. I broke down and saw my GP today because my heart has been feeling wrong. It thuds and seems to be working too hard. I’m also having trouble breathing. I don’t know if anything is seriously wrong with my heart, but I DO have a whopping case of bronchitis. The ECG was normal, but he ordered the x-ray, the blood work and an echo cardiogram just to be sure. Then gave me a half hour long lecture about why I HAVE to quit smoking. Actually this is something I’ve been working up to. I thought when we moved to the new house I’d give it the old college try. A new house, new routines, a fresh venue seems to be the ideal time to dump the butts. But Doc Shonstein pissed me off with his fervent Moonie-like insistence. For Pete’s sake, I KNOW the cigarettes are bad for me! He made it sound like I was some kind of clueless nimrod AND that quitting was as easy as deciding to have strawberry jam instead of marmalade on your toast in the morning. “harrumph...LA, you just have to make up your mind to DO IT! Just don’t smoke! That’s all you have to do. Just don’t smoke.” Gee, why didn’t I think of that? The way to quit smoking is to not smoke! What a genius! His mother must be so proud. Asshole. Bombarded by birds and birdbrains, ~LA Today's Pick: "Rockin' Robin" by The Jackson 5
|
